FEATURE: Single men of Australia: lose the facial hair to win the girl

 

76% of Australians want to see the return of the clean shaven man

 

Despite it being fashionable at the moment, facial hair on men is a distinct turn-off for women according to the Gillette Kissing Survey, conducted by Australia’s largest online dating site, RSVP.com.au. I have to say that I much prefer facial hair, but each to their own I guess!

 

A massive 80% of women surveyed indicated that they would prefer to see the return of the clean shaven face while 77% of women have opted not to kiss a man due to having a beard or stubble. Interestingly, 71% of men also agree, despite the fact that this would involve considerably more effort on their part.

 

And it’s not just for purely cosmetic reasons that most believe that a shaven face is the best option – the survey also revealed a number of more practical benefits for those who make the effort to shave each morning.

 

Firstly, 84% thought that a clean shave was better than facial hair for kissing (85% women and 83% men). This is hardly a surprising result given 79% of women confessed to having suffered from the dreaded pash-rash as a result of their hairy faced kissing companion.

Secondly, it is widely regarded as the safest bet when it comes to impressing others, with 92% agreeing that you should shave before a first date (93% women and 91% men) and 84% believing that a clean shave is essential when meeting your partner’s parents for the first time (85% women and 83% men).

 

Other key findings include;

• 48% of women claim to have rejected a man’s advances on the basis of his red, irritated skin
• 79% of people believe that there is a stigma attached to men who don’t shave regularly as they are seen to take less pride in their appearance

Summarising the results, relationship expert, Dr Nikki Goldstein says, “If a man is really confident with his sexuality then he should not try to prove it through facial hair (which some see as a sign of masculinity or toughness) but with intelligence, wit and by making a woman feel special through making the effort to impress.

“Just as women go to great lengths to get ready for that big first date and make a lasting impression, so should men. Show your date that she is important enough for you to take pride in your appearance and shave. This is particularly important if you’re looking for that first kiss, an occasion that should be an intimate and sensual act, but can turn ugly if the girl is left with a painful and embarrassing reminder the next day.”

To help Australian men get the clean, neat look that both men and women want, the Gillette MACH3 Turbo Sensitive provides an exceptionally close shave with less skin irritation even on the most sensitive areas of their face.

The Gillette Mach3 Turbo Sensitive will be available in Australia at leading outlets for RRP $11.99. For stockist enquiries please call: 1800 148 022.

GUEST POST** Date Like A Gay Guy….How changing your approach could improve your success

As two gay men that specialise in relationships we are constantly called upon to counsel our female family members and friends in a Sex in the City style Stanford Blatch and Carrie Bradshaw de-brief…although let it be said we both still have a full head of hair!

Why take our advice? Well, like you we dated, fell in love with and had our hearts broken by men and obviously we also have the advantage of also being one!

So, let’s start at the beginning…

The more you date, the more you learn about yourself and dating becomes easier. Logical yes? Practice really does make perfect, not necessarily a perfect date but closer to finding the perfect guy for you based on weeding out the rubbish!

Date one, most men consider a date simply a date. It’s a chance for both of you to get to know a little more about each other, don’t get ahead of yourself.

Most men won’t object to a little ego stroking and genuine interest in them but start the way you want to finish. You deserve the same in return so don’t give him all of your attention.

What qualities do you look for in man? Honesty, sense of humour, intelligence, manners, a friend? No doubt you have a pretty good idea of what you want so make sure you be that person too. Playing games and not showing the real you will only ever attract the wrong kind of guy.

Positivity and confidence will be the key to your successful game change. How many times have you been drawn to a guy that is theoretically the complete opposite of what you would consider your ‘type’? I would hazard a guess it was his charismatic swagger, cheeky smile and great conversation that attracted you well before you realised your checklist had been de-railed.

In some respects men are simple creatures. They don’t over analyse things and the way they show love can be more subtle, so don’t expect your love to be returned in the same way although the feelings could be just as strong.

We also know that men value physical appearance, that’s an obvious one, but before you reach for your salad it doesn’t mean stick thin bodies and the latest Chanel collection it means healthy body and mind, someone that values themselves enough to look after their appearance.

Finally, guys want to feel needed but not suffocated. Desperation is not a good look for anyone, no matter how hot you are.

Turn the tables on your dating disasters and take control. Dating isn’t rocket science and men definitely don’t treat it as such, so keep it simple and good luck!

Vinko Anthony & Andrea Anthony

Beau Brummell Introductions www.beaubrummellintroductions.com

Mamamia response – The infamous guy-checklist!

Happy Friday 13^th my blog readers, how are we all? I’ve been catching up on LOTS of dating related news this week, all of which have spurred me to write a number of posts/ responses in relation to each.

The first one I’d like to chat to you is a post that appeared on Mamamia’s blog this Monday titled: ‘I’m still waiting for love’. When I read the article, I can’t help but see so much of what I’ve said and felt in the past, and what my friends feel currently.

The article is the view point of Michelle D’Croix, she talks about her single life, her longing for children and to fill the ‘hole’ in her life – Love.

There are many comments in response to the post, some of which are negative (most of these are anonymous I might add) and some of which are positive, reinforcing the notion that love will find you in the end.

Now as a 27-year-old I appreciate that this may come across as preaching or smug, however let me stress as much as it is humanely possible to stress that this is not my aim! Any comments or opinions on here are born from my own life experiences and the challenges I’ve faced as a single woman in the past in a bid to learn from my mistakes and wrong turns. I want to show my loyal blog readers that they’re not alone when it comes to troubling matters of the heart, or the quest to find ‘the one’.

As a single girl I went on many dates, I had the philosophy that if I got myself out there enough, surely I’d

a. Get over my ex by having an amazing time in this amazing city or

b. Meet someone who I could truly love, and in return they’d love me for me.

Now I’ll be the first to admit that I was looking in all the wrong places, Kit and Kaboodle on a Saturday night in the Cross probably wasn’t the best place to meet a handsome stranger that would go beyond one night. Similarly, as a group of 6 – 10 single, strong –minded females, we probably weren’t the most approachable to any guys that were potentially interested.

I ended up meeting my boy through mutual friends, the way most of my girlfriends met their current partners – that’s not to say that this is the only way you can meet someone, but generally speaking, if you’ve got the same taste in friendship groups, there’s a strong chance you’ll have something in common!

I only know from my experience of being single, that I did set the bar high – I constantly said that I wasn’t willing to compromise on anything, nor should I have to! I wanted a confident, jack-the-lad, loyal, friendly, selfless, thoughtful person that loves to travel is moral, good-listener, funny, good-looking, driven, financially-stable, popular, Brit or Kiwi that would sweep me off my feet.

However after three years of searching with my checklist out, I quickly realised that the values that I wasn’t willing to compromise on, weren’t the right ones.

I don’t think any women, no matter how old, how lonely, attractive etc should ever have to compromise on the values that they look for in a partner, for example:

Should I ever find myself single again, I will never compromise on the following:

Loyal, friendly, moral, thoughtful, good listener, makes me laugh – As these are the values that I hold dear and look for not only in a life partner, but also in myself!

So screams of protests about ‘comprimise’ I can’t help but think are somewhat misguided! For example, the following ‘checklist items’ should not be the be-all-and-end-all for your ideal partner (and in some cases, each of the attributes negates another in the list):

Confident, jack-the-lad, good-looking, driven, financially-stable, popular, Brit or Kiwi, sweep me off my feet.

Here’s my opinion as to why:

Confident/ Jack-the-lad/ Popular – A guy that is confident and isn’t shy can also be described as boisterous, whilst I agree that this can be a very attractive quality, it can sometimes bring out the worst in people (coming from a very outgoing, confident person!) Sometimes, just sometimes it is the quieter shy-types that have more to say on a personal level. Just because they don’t fight to be the centre of attention, doesn’t mean they don’t have a voice or opinions worth listening to! So if you find yourself constantly looking for the ‘ring leader’ of the group, maybe cast your net wider, you might be pleasantly surprised!

Good-looking – Ahhhh the quality at the top of most people’s lists – which is of course entirely subjective. One woman’s Brad Pitt is another’s David Brent. I do feel however that this should not be high up on your list of qualities you’re not willing to comprise on – I’m not saying you should go for someone you’re not attracted to at all, that completely defeats my point! What I am saying is that if your type is tall, dark and handsome, there may just be an average height Joe with blonde hair who’s v cute but with a big nose that you actually have loads in common with and actually think is very attractive, albeit not in your usual fire in your pants kinda way! Some of the best cases of my friend’s falling in love, has beent the slow burners, where they know they fancy them, they think they’re cute, but they’re not sure that there’s a ‘spark’ –  cue months of dating and they’re completely and utterly in love!

Driven – Don’t base whether a guy is good enough for you on his career choice – This for me is about a state of mind! Driven is again a massively subject point of view. Think a Eastern Suburbs guy who always dreamed of working on the mines, he didn’t need a degree, but it was what he always wanted to do and has achieved his dream, Or the guy from Manchester in the UK that’s always had a passion for extreme sports and adventure, he works for six months of the year as a diving instructor in Koh Tao and spend the other six months in Sydney working in a bar to spend time with his mates and save for his flight and accommodation for the net season. To the ‘stereotypical ‘driven man that has gone to university and has a masters and is now the CEO is his own company with a huge office on Macquarie street – If a guy is following his passion to make himself happy and fulfil his life, that in my opinion, whatever the dream – he’s driven as he’s making it happen!

Financially stable – As independent women we of course want a man that can look after himself also, but you need to see the bigger picture here.  This shouldn’t be on your check list, of course it’s a bonus and as the potential father of our kids we want them to be able to look after themselves, buy why not at the crux of everything find out if you’re actually compatible as a couple. If so, you have the foundations and who knows what is around the corner – you might be what he needs to go for the job he’s always wanted, patent his invention, stat is surf school – who knows? Well you certainly won’t ever know if you don’t look beyond your ‘ideal!’

Brit /Kiwi – Really, are we going to do this? Not look at a potential love of our lives due to geography? Spare me please!

Sweep me off my feet – This is subjective also, one woman’s version of this might be candle lit picnic on a cliff, and another’s might be a helicopter ride to Jonah’s on the Bay. If you like him and you think it has potential just go with it, you know what you might even surprise yourself!

Suffice to say, open your eyes and your mind and challenge your ideal, ‘eligibility’ is very subjective and you need to be aware of this – don’t write off potential Mr right because of his looks, birth place or shyness!

At no point in the article does Michelle allude to doing any of the above, it’s just a pattern I’ve seen from my friends and reading this gave me the nudge to put my thoughts down on the page!

I wish Michelle the best of luck in her search for the one!

The original post is here: http://www.mamamia.com.au/relationships/being-single-and-waiting-for-love/#comment-886071

GUEST POST*** THE ART OF BLENDR

Over the years I have befriended a lot of gay guys, they are a lot of fun, perfect party partners and they are not shy when it comes to meeting people and using them for sexual favours! As you may or may now know,  a very popular way for gay guys to meet is Grindr, an app for your phone where you can chat to people around you. It can be full of weirdos but there are also some genuinely horny people on there, in fact, a friend of a friend of mine met George Michael on Grindr and they are now great friends!

Anyway, back to the point in hand! I have always wondered why there was not a straight version. Obviously it would be a bit tamer as the gays will always outdo us straight people when it comes to being sexually active. Or so I thought…..

During the Christmas period, I went around India to try and find myself (it didn’t work, I just found my guts down a toilet bowl) and during that time a very dear friend of mine was introduced to Blendr, the straight version had finally arrived!!!!

Given that she was recently single and a very confident girl she didn’t waste any time seeing who was available around her! After a week of being given the biggest ego boost given the 100’s of messages she had received, she thought it would be a good idea to meet with a guy. He was one of the 100 who didn’t send her a picture of his junk…. Umm maybe it is very similar to Grindr??

Off she went and met a hot young man who was very sweet to her…. Ideal really! (he ended up being a nutter who called it off the day before her birthday  but that’s a story for another day)

Sooo when I got back from India and after I had had a very long shower to clean the grime off of me, I decided to download the app myself! Cue about 15 guys trying to talk to me in about half an hour. Perhaps I had discovered a good way for Sydney men to actually talk to a woman? They are terrible at doing it in bars after all!

In the space of a few days I had been chatting to Luke, Paul and Andrew who all wanted to take me for a drink (I’m guessing something more too but I am an old fashioned girl in some ways so there would be none of that).

One particular night, my friend and I were ‘Blending’ together comparing stories when a guy started messaging us both at the same time. To her, he wrote ‘ok the plan for tonight is a few drinks in Surry Hills and then for me to wake up next to you’…. I only got a ‘hello’! How very dull of him! We decided to play games with him and I asked him why he was not planning to wake up next to me after a few drinks in Surry Hills…. Poor guy had no idea what was going on!

That weekend I went to meet Paul, one of the guys who I had been messaging a lot. We met in Surry Hills but there was no chemistry. Given that I was nervous, and he was dull I just started waffling on about riveting stuff like the weather and what a bad summer we had had. After an hour I made my excuses (I had to help a friend move wink wink nudge nudge) and went to meet the girls for some cocktails to drown my sorrows!

Luckily, in January I met a rather dashing young man on a boat and we hit it off. He was from the UK so I was instantly attracted to him (I had a pact with myself that I was only going to date English guys after lots of terrible dates with Aussies). Another bonus was that I had not met him through an app on my phone. We started dating and a few months down the line we have had weekends away, declared our feelings and fallen in love, not bad considering that we met on a trashy boat party…. I deleted the app!

This is when Blendr comes back to haunt you! When you are happily living in coupledom…..

During my Blending days, I had been chatting to a doctor, let’s call him Dr John for fun! He was from the UK (bonus), a doctor, lived in Manly and had been here for a few years. We were meant to meet for Tapas so we exchanged numbers and spent a few weeks texting back and forth. On the night that I was meant to meet him I cancelled as I wanted to go on my first date with the lovely guy that I met on the boat. I told him that I was not feeling well and I asked if we could postpone. Maybe it was karma coming back to bite me in the bum but….. cue weirdness!

Things went very well on our date (obviously) so I forgot about Dr John, well that was until he text me one day telling me about his salsa dancing the night before.  Given that I had never even met the guy I decided to ignore him and hope that he would go away but the man persevered. He KEPT on messaging me for about 3 months even though I didn’t ever reply. The messages were always about random stuff like how he had ‘shaken his booty too much last night’ or how his work out at the gym was really intense! Show off!

A few weeks ago, my boyfriend and I were snuggling on the sofa when Dr John rang me! Obviously my boyfriend looked concerned as I even had him saved as Dr John on my phone so he wondered why a Dr was calling me on a Friday night. I, myself was concerned as to why he was calling me so I am not surprised that my boyfriend looked distressed.

I always think that honesty is the best policy in relationships so I explained that he was a guy I had been talking to on Blendr and that even though I had been ignoring him for 3 months he was still trying to get in touch. I decided to answer my phone, tell him to leave me alone and hang up!

I did exactly that and felt ever so slightly freaked out that he hadn’t given up yet, it’s not like we had even met each other. He messaged me straight away saying ‘no problem’

I went to sleep that night thinking that that was that….. Of course I was mistaken.

On Sunday, I was out for lunch with my boyfriend when a message came through, jokingly, we both said ‘oh I bet it’s from Dr John’ and low and behold it was!

The message said that he had written about me in his blog as though nothing had happened the other night WTF!!??!!??

I was getting angry now, yes I had been rude by ignoring him but this was just taking the biscuit now, for a Dr, he was not a very smart man!!

I replied saying that he had obviously NOT got the message the other day and once again asked him to leave me alone. Again, he responded asking what he had done wrong and I started to think if this guy had mental issues!

Enough was enough and I simply told him that I had a boyfriend now and that I would like him to leave me alone. Job done….. although now I am waiting for him to ‘check in’ to see if I am single again… just in case!

Dr John has now moved on, after many sleepless nights I am sure J he was even messaging my friend the other day so it proves that Blendr is a numbers game!

So girls, if you are considering taking the jump into the world of app dating I have a few tips for you…

1. Know what you are getting into- you will see a lot of penis, even if you didn’t ask for it
2. Be realistic- I doubt that you will find your prince on there
3. Be careful on who you give your number out to unless you want to be stalked
4. Never give out personal details
5. Always tell a friend where you are going if you go and meet someone

And last but not least….

Always practice safe sex……

Happy Blending!

Speakeasy Group celebrates five Tales of the Cocktail Spirited Bar Award nominations

 

I am lucky enough to live in an amazing city and attend amazing events. The Speakeasy Group is no exception in terms of representing the amazing venues that I have attended over the past three and a half years. So it is with great please that I’m able to announce that the Speakeasy Group has been nominated in five categories in Tales of the Cocktail’s Spirited Awards, the biggest and most influential bar industry awards globally, including:

 

• World’s Best Cocktail Bar – Eau de Vie Sydney
• World’s Best Drink Selection – Eau de Vie Sydney
• World’s Best Cocktail Menu – The Roosevelt
• International Bartender of the Year – Max Greco, Eau de Vie Sydney
• Best Bar Mentor – Sven Almenning (owner of Eau de Vie, Eau de Vie Melbourne and The Roosevelt)

 

Eau de Vie is by far and away one of the most stunning and atmospheric bars in Sydney, I have been a couple of times and would recommend it to anyone that is coming to Sydney. Previous reviews of the bars can be found here.

As for The Roosevelt, I have yet to frequent this venue; however I have heard amazing things – cocktails served on liquid nitrogen and served from treasure chests and trophies! I will be posting a review soon, so keep your eyes peeled!

 

To those of you who think New York and London are home to the world’s best bars will no longer have to stray as far from home with Sydney reaffirming its place on the map as a global leader in cocktail culture.

 

Sven Almenning, owner of The Speakeasy Group said “It’s incredible to once again be honoured and included in such esteemed company and fantastic to also see more Australian venues earn nominations in an increasingly competitive market.”

 

The Speakeasy Group has been recognised alongside some of the most well-known and respected bars across the globe. Each of the awards only features ten finalists per category, and the nominees are representatives from all over the world. For a full listing of awards and other nominees, check out the Tales of the Cocktail website here:

 

The winners will be announced in June at Tales of the Cocktail in New Orleans.

 

 

Eau de Vie: 229 Darlinghurst Rd, Darlinghurst NSW 2010

P: 02 9357 2470

W: www.eaudevie.com.au

 

EDV Melbourne: 1 Malthouse Lane, Melbourne Vic 3000

P: 03 9663 0847

W: www.eaudevie.com.au

 

The Roosevelt: 32 Orwell St, Potts Point NSW 2011

P: 02 8096 1787

W: www.theroosevelt.com.au

Can’t see for looking

An article has been posted on SMH today which my lovely friend passed onto me that I simply couldn’t let pass my by without commenting on it.

As we all know I’ve kissed a few frogs in my time, I was single for over three years and had an absolute blast – of course there were times when I felt that I hated men and couldn’t believe my bad luck, most of all how I couldn’t get over how completely different the playing field was here in Sydney.

The article is here if you want to have a scan.

To summarise it’s about booty calls before the first date and the strange sexual tendencies of a single person. I’ve spoken out before with regards to our misguided friends who have ‘sex buddies’ who just hook up and have sex before he asks them out on a date…

If you’re completely comfortable with no stings sex and can say hand on heart that you’re 100% happy with no texts, phone calls or sometimes even a kiss goodbye after, then go on and fill your boots! What I will say however is, if you find yourself looking at your phone, putting your message alerts onto silent in a bid to not know if there’s a text there, (because not knowing if there’s a message there is 100% better than knowing for complete certainty that he can’t be bothered and, more frankly, has no intention of doing so until he’s drunk again at 3am next Sat night) think twice – I beg you for the sake of yourself respect and your sanity (your friend’s too!).

According to the article, there was an “interesting awareness study, done in 1999, called the Invisible Gorilla. In it, participants watched a video of people passing a basketball and were told to count the number of times the ball was passed. During the course of the video a person, dressed in a gorilla suit, wandered amidst the basketball throwers.

Afterwards, the scientists asked the study group if they had noticed anything unusual. As much as 40 per cent failed to see the person in the gorilla suit.

The point of the study was to highlight the fact that many of us are not as good at multitasking as we might like to think. When our attention is honed on one thing, we often fail to see other things even when they’re right before our eyes. This is not a bad thing. It allows us to tune out distractions so that we can focus. It only becomes a problem when we attempt to say drive and text, for example.”

This is also true of the invisible drink scenario – have you ever gone to the fridge and looked for the milk/ bottle of wine/ arsenic (just kidding of course) and no matter how hard you look you can’t see it, then you blink and it’s suddenly there? When you’re looking so hard for something, it can be right in front of your eyes, but you’re simply looking too hard and it passes you by (blummin heck metaphors all over the place here ladies).

The article in the SMH pulls a different conclusion to what I do from the findings of this study!  I believe that this highlights that in the quest for Mr Right, too many women don’t notice the massive gorilla in the room because she’s looking too hard for ‘Mr Perfect’.

In my case there was the crier who couldn’t bear to see me for one more minute as it transpired that I was friends of a friend with his ex – wow! There was the Kiwi Poet… Oh and there was the questionable one who proceeded to what only be described as dry hump his gay best mate for the latter half of our first date. Oh and then the ultimate doosh alert, the guy who knew about my blog so decided to bring a book with him that described what the ‘perfect’ first date should include and proceeded to reel off a list of ‘first date questions’ or dating 101 (ahem!) as he liked to call it. Questions included – What is your favourite Disney movie and why? Yes, yes that’s right! Didn’t help that I actually thought this was a ‘business meeting’ and not a date (considering I’d never actually met the guy!), the icing on the cake was the text after I left him that went a little bit like this: “You’re one of the most interesting people I’ve met recently we should do this again!” erm I’m sorry – WTF! Recently… Not even the last year, or in a while – recently! Give me strength!!!!

As Sarah Berry correctly points out, gorillas can be beneficial for a few reasons.

I obviously created a blog off the back of my plethora of dud guys! It also makes you feel so much better when you do actually meet a good guy.

All I will say is open your eyes and ask yourself the question, before you became ‘the single mate’ (which I was for a v long time, so no judgement here at all!) what would you have put up with? I’m guessing you would not have put up with a guy not texting you for weeks and weeks and weeks and I’m presuming that you most definitely would not have even thought about jumping to his tune when he finally does decide to get in touch, at 6pm on a Saturday night, or worse 3am (yup, been there done that, got the t-shirt).

I guess what I’m trying to say is, don’t spend your single years concentrating too hard on how many ‘balls you’re friends are catching’ or ticking off the ideals on a list of every guy you meet! Don’t spend forever writing your own love story and fairy tale and convincing yourself if there’s not fireworks and a white knight and his stead, it (the scenario) will simply not do.

If you open your eyes enough and are true to what you know you deserve and long for deep inside (no it’s not jack the lad and good-looking player Mr Dreamy aka Dooshy) it’s the guy in the gorilla suit smiling at you from across the room, wanting to come over to talk to you, hoping for the slightest bit of a signal so he can come and introduce himself, that you simply don’t see as he’s masked by your drive to meet Mr Perfect/ Man of your dreams/ Guy candy to take home to be your new boyfriend!

Whether your playing in the jungle with your like-minded sisters or you feel like you’re out in the wilderness all alone. Take a second to look around you, take off your blinkered vision hampering goggles and you might be surprised as what is and has been standing in front of you the entire time!

FHM’s take on the new ‘rules of dating women – Give me strength…

I was reading through the June issue of FHM when I came across an article that was titled: “Everything you thought you knew about women is wrong”.

They’d got my attention; I decided to read on to see what the writers were telling their loyal followers and to decide for myself if they were setting them up for a fall!

It’s interesting as I begin to read they announce that “Just as you think you’ve got your game right, girls change the rules”. Hmmm I don’t concur and most certainly do not agree that this is the case. All girls ask for is guys to listen, use their initiative without the needs for hints, to treat them nicely, to be sexually attractive to them and to not let them get away with being a princess (no one likes a wet boyfriend!!). If a guy sticks to these key points, I can’t imagine they’ll go far wrong. (Seriously they should take boys to one side at school and tell them that girls like nice surprises and for them to pay attention, surprising how many guys just don’t get this!!).

SO here we go, here are some of the ‘rules’ that have apparently changed that made me spit out my water all over my keyboard in complete and utter dismay! (I’m not surprised that there is a plethora of dating blogs popping up in Australia – if this is what we’re dealing with is it any wonder?, we need somewhere to vent our frustrations!):

‘Old’ Rule – If you see a girl you fancy, make contact with her across the bar – Apparently this has now been changed to

‘New’ Rule – ‘Just go up and say hello’

Forgive me – This does not surprise me in the slightest, boys thought that by glancing at a girl across the bar and eye-f**ing the sh1t out of her would make her come running across the bar like a little puppy! No! We’ve always wanted guys to approach us; it’s chivalrous and shows they’re keen! Nothing has changed here, guys are just getting more clued up!

‘Old’ Rule – Wait two days before calling after a date

‘New’ Rule – Contact her the next day

Again, I don’t know about you, but if I went on a date with a guy I liked and there was chemistry with, I would be pretty damn gutted to not hear from him for two days. Whatever happened to  – if you like her – let her know?? Guys a little bit of an insight for you: the girls that want you to play games are looking for a bad boy, they want someone to reign in, they want to be the exception that ‘changed you’. Vice Versa there are no girls out there that I know that would be happy with a call/ text two days later. Maybe this is where we’re going wrong huh?

‘Old’ Rule – Don’t act too keen

‘New’ Rule – Always act keen

Give me strength! If you like her let her know, if you don’t like her or see a future tell her – she’s not made of glass. There’s no hard fast rule that’s going to make a women fall into your arms! Listen to what your heart (and your head) is telling you!

Old’ Rule – Women love men who can dance

‘New’ Rule – There’s nothing creepier than a man who can dance

Oh pi$$ off!! Who writes this crap? Nothing more to say on that matter!

Alice 25, Fashion Journalist said: ït’s worse if a guy is really good at dancing. I can’t imagine anything more cringey than a guy who can salsa” – I‘d love to meet this women and ask why! “A guy with rhythm – oh dear god no get away!” Doh!

All in the entire article was laughable and prompted me to put pen to paper (hand to keyboard) and write my first post in a while! I feel there is going to be more where this came from! What the hell has happened to the men of this world!

Here’s a taste of how men are currently treating women out there – there are no words!

http://my31daychallengeblog.tumblr.com/

What are you thoughts???

GUEST POST** To go back or not to go back?

The inevitable question. You’re finally in a great relationship, hit a few speed bumps and then out of nowhere, you’re blind sighted and it’s all over. He pulls the plug. No conversation, no notice it’s just done.

So you do the best you can to move on. Throw in some half drunken texts about how he misses you and that’s about the extent of the effort from his end.

 

Then comes the day that you knew would happen. You even told him at the time of said break up it would happen. Yes, he comes crawling back. For most women out there, I’m sure this has regularly occurred for you too. That radar comes on ‘oh she is happy and going along ok, let’s come in and disrupt her progress.’

The text message comes in out of the blue:

 

Hi, I was wondering if after work tonight you would like to catch up for coffee or a drink?

 

Holding on to that hard ass attitude you required to save face during the break up, the text back is cold but with a miniscule bit of interest. Damn that tiny part! But to be mature and move on from the situation, maybe you say ok.

 

After rocking up late and making him wait, you feel like you’re in control. Then out comes a two page letter accompanied by a glass of wine. Are you supposed to swoon over the nice things said in the letter? Do you say too little too late? Or use more abusive words? Oh and another note, always, always make it coffee not wine!

 

Say you were friends before and you agree to just go back down that path to help you move on. This slowly turns into hanging out more and more and then…… you guessed it you’ve gone right back there.

 

Always one of those girls who is strong and hates others who do this, why is it always so easy to happen to you?

 

Once you’ve decided you’re going back, it’s important to let go of what happened. You know you can’t be throwing that in his face it just won’t work. But how do you work out that fine line of just how much effort you should be putting in compared to him. Is it really always 50/50?

 

My very wise mother who has been married to my father for 32 years tells me it’s not always 50/50. Sometimes it’s 80/20 pending on who did what wrong. And sometimes the other person needs to put in more effort. At the end of the day, if you’re the one who made the mistake and you say you’ll do anything to give things another go, a woman needs to see this ongoing effort (note, ongoing means longer than a couple of weeks).

 

What do you do when you hit conflict the second time? When you hit a road block and you work out as a couple you have trouble getting through times of conflict. Is it fair to think, it was a mistake agreeing to start things up again? Is it an asset that you can see the other person making immense effort in areas where they bailed before?

 

Dating is hard enough as everyone seems to manage their own lives and have little knowledge on how to give and take. It’s difficult to meet someone you click with, so when you do how much do you stick in there through the tough times when it didn’t work before?

 

I believe at the end of the day, it’s always up to the individual. It’s important for friends and family not to judge, just to be there and support the relationship if it works and if it doesn’t. Sometimes maybe you just have to throw the rules out the window. We’re in 2012, I think the rules are, there are no rules anymore. As a couple you can only do what works for you.

 

Simply Black and White

www.simplyblackandwhite.com.au