Tag Archives: The Game

The Rules, The Game, The Chase and The Conventional… What to do?!

It’s been a while since I’ve updated you on the recent goings on of my dating extravaganza that is my life, ha!

The last time we caught up regarding nocturnal activities I had bashed out an angry text to Liam following him asking out my mate, I’d beat myself up for about a week and then figured ‘plenty more fish in the sea’. (No I still haven’t heard from him in case you’re wondering) 

It’s always the ones you least expect isn’t it! Really irritates me! There is no ‘code’ or ‘guide’ when it comes to dating, yeah sure there are plenty of ‘dating experts’ out there. I would be interested however to find out how many of them are actually in a loving, committed and healthy relationship. Now I’m not one to be a pessimist (my name is Optimist101 after all), however when it comes to matters of the heart, I am increasingly finding myself teetering on the brink of Pesimist101.

With the array of self help books there are out there one would presume that everyone would’ve found their ‘soul mate’ or ‘the one’ if they just follow these easy steps…

We have the ‘Rules’ – don’t even get me started! We also have the ‘game’ and many, many others.

The 'Rules'

The 'Game'

 

My particular favourite ‘rule’ when it comes to this is the following theory:

When you clock someone that you fancy, you should go over and chat up their less attractive mate. The theory being that the ‘fit’ one won’t like this and it will play on their ego and their insecurities, resulting in them vying for your attention and BINGO you’ve got them interested. – All well and good in theory, but does it result in something worthwhile? My theory is that yes, it probably does get their attention, if you’re really lucky it might even get them back into your bedroom. I would hasten a guess however that this tactic isn’t the makings of a healthy relationship. To start a hook up by playing on the object of your attention’s insecurities doesn’t sit well with me at all.

Don’t get me wrong, I completely get it if you’re just out to ‘fill your boots’ or ‘get yours’ -sweet! If you’re on the look out for the next big thing I don’t think it is the best way to go about it!

I am by no means painting myself as a dating expert, far from it in fact. I have tried all the approaches there are out there, the traditional, the unconventional and yes I’m ashamed to say it, even the clingy – non have resulted in a lasting partnership – obviously! As I’m still single and probably why I’m sat writing this blog, pining over my ten year crush and have hilarious dating tales for you, usually at my own expense mind, ha!

I like to think of myself as one of those people who always look on the bright side, I always try to see the best in people. I do find myself thinking though that when it comes to the objects of my affection, my judgement is always clouded. Ahhh the old ‘rose-tinted glasses’ syndrome.

The world (and love interests) somehow look better through them...

 

It spans right back to my first relationship when everyone around me told me that he was no good for me, that it wouldn’t last and that I could do (and most importantly deserved) better. – Does anyone else agree that when your family and friends are so against your relationship, it almost makes you want to stay with them and work it out just to prove them wrong, even when  you know deep down inside that it isn’t right? Just me… never mind!

Six years later I realised and learned the error of my ways. I still wouldn’t change anything and I guess it makes you who you are.

Back to my dating update, yet another old flame sauntered back into my life two weeks ago, again completely by surprise. Sydney is officially getting smaller, well the man pool is believe me. When you started bumping into all of your old flames again – It either means all the good ones are getting snapped up, or I need to start frequenting different establishments – never going to happen! At least things with this guy didn’t end on a quite so bad note so I was happy to see him.

I had been to Ryan’s Bar on Friday after work, ten year crush was there also, he’s literally the nicest person ever.

– Ryan’s Bar is a very cool bar, it’s where all the business suit type people head after work on Friday, open plan and great tunes equal a great atmosphere! –

We were there with Julie, we all had a few vinos and put the world to right – I can’t tell if Dean and I are even flirting anymore. It is kind of a weird situation as we’ve hooked up and never really spoke about it since, it’s like it never happened. Less than ideal as I don’t want him to think it didn’t mean anything to me as it did, but at the same time, I don’t want to scare him off by broaching the issue. Probably resulting in him running for his life as he thinks I want a relationship. (I do tend to put out that vibe apparently! Kind of like the gay ‘quality’ of Chandler in friends. No-one can put their finger on what it is; they just get that impression from me… greeeaat!)

So any advice in this area would be gratefully received! Good, bad and the ugly!

Following our drink (or seven) at Ryan’s Bar I decided the head to The Paddington Inn to meet up with Sally, she had friends over from her days at Liverpool John Moores University so I was keen to meet them! I arrived and they were sat in the window, I thought I was quite the comedienne as I sauntered over and asked them where the nearest bar was, oh how we laughed, ahem!

It was so nice so see them, I got a very warm reception from them (probably due to the copious amounts of sambuca that were being consumed. Lovely jubly non-the-less) I tottered over to the bar and suddenly felt a tap on my shoulder, I turned around only to see this gorgeous guy shouting my name, it was only Toby… (Toby was a guy I met in The Sheaf about a year ago, he’s 27, tall, dark, very handsome and a Kiwi – are you sensing I have a type?? Maybe the type that is no good for me?! Yes!)

I hugged him and said it was so lovely to see him, he noticed I’d changed my hair – I was a brunette when I met him, but recently went back to my blonde-ish roots. We had a few drinks and I introduced him to Sally and her friends.

Back story: After me and Toby hooked up last year he was very gentlemanly – walked me home, got my number and promised he’d call. We kissed and he left. I was all dreamy – a cute guy who seemed genuinely nice – only for the mask to slip when I got a text of him the next day telling me how great he thought I was, but that he was in a complicated situation and was on a ‘break’ from his GF, they were trying to figure things out and he didn’t want to mess me around. DENIED! So I did what any self respecting woman would do and egged his house… just kidding! I of course send him a message saying I completely understood and thanked him for being honest.

So fast forward to the present, he was telling me that they never worked it out and that he was single – a good sign. We moved onto The Fringe Bar in Paddington to continue on the evening. The Fringe Bar always has a great atmosphere and good music. If you head on a Saturday you can catch the Fringe Markets, loads of cool clothes and jewelery. Great price too! They have a comedy night on a Monday night that you should def try to frequent! Local talent having you giggling all night long! 

– bearing in mind it was the third bar I’d been to that evening, I was starting to wobble ever so slightly. I realised that I actually liked this guy and didn’t want to fall into the same trap again. After a little cheeky kiss I made my excuses and left.

I then received a text off him at 3am, not cool! Asking where I’d gone, obviously he was a little wobbly too! Only I realised that I hadn’t given him my number, so he must’ve still had it from a year ago… interesting.

Only the next day I had no battery and no charger, oh and my phone had died so I couldn’t respond event if I wanted to! Sods law at it again, when will you give me a break?

After a weekend of no phone, I actually felt like I’d lost a limb! I text him on the Monday night (didn’t want to appear too keen did I?!) He wrote back later that night with a nice-enough text but no questions…

I haven’t heard from him since….

What to do? Text Toby back and ask him out? No? Ok then, do I tell Dean how I feel? No? Ok then… just one Q then – WHAT?!

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When is it time to step away from the phone?

Okay so we all have a theory about when you should play it cool, ramp it up and when we should feel ‘comfortable’ when texting/ phoning/ tweeting your current squeeze.

One of my very good friends, Julie (I‘ve introduced you to her before) believes that every guy needs to have ‘the chase’ when it comes to their current object of affection (no I’m not referring to women as objects, it’s a well-known phrase don’t ya know).

If the girl is there on a plate and too ‘available’ the guy rapidly loses interest. If they’re mysterious and just out of reach the guy is often left wondering: who else is she seeing, she’s obviously off somewhere being all popular and fabulous! Maybe I need to pin her down.

So I couldn’t help but think following our conversation that this may just be where I am going wrong! If I have to hear the following statement one more time I may just cry into my cocktail holding mitts, wait for it… drum roll please:

“I think you’re an awesome girl, I’m just not looking for anything serious just now. If I were looking for a relationship you’d totally be the type of girl I’d want to be with… but I’m leaving the country in a few days/ just out of a serious relationship/ a commitment phobe and have no plans of changing!” (Note: delete as appropriate) (Translation: I appreciate that you’re a nice person, but I’m just not that into you!)

I guess sometimes you have to admire a guy for being honest… sometimes! I received this gem of a text about a year ago following a number exchange on a night out, I text him a week later asking if he fancied meeting for a drink, trying to be independent, you know! Got this back (bearing in mind that we’d merely spoke for 10 minutes and hadn’t even kissed)

“I’m actually just looking for a physical thing at the moment, if you’re keen give me a call.” – What am I thrills on tap?! I deleted his number immediately, if not sooner!

When I was in my first (and only) long-term relationship I was so switched on and strong when it came to the perfect balance between being mysterious (only seeing him when he contacted me) and still appearing interested (not always free when he asked – especially not if he asked me the same day! But making effort at the same time).

 So I know I am capable of not appearing like I’ve already named all our kids and chosen the suburb I’d plan to grow old with them in! I’m just waaayyyyy outta practice of appearing breezy! LET THEM CALL YOU, LET THEM ASK YOU OUT etc etc

So I need to get back into the practice quick smart! Don’t get me wrong I’m all for independent women standing tall and proud and biting the bullet when it comes to telling a guy you like them and asking them out (how very modern). As with everything however there is a balance.

I’ll keep you posted with updates about how I go. (Cos that’s what we do here).