Tag Archives: dating

Dating 101** Eight texts that cover off Sydney dating experiences

A typical Mars Vs Venus scenario that reigns true when dating a Sydney-sider (based on means tested situations with Sydney based guys and gals)

 

Dual thought process after a first date that wasn’t a complete disaster:

 

Girl:

I really like him, he was such a gentleman, we really had the spark

dbltwrk

Guy:

 

Damn I held the door open for her and still didn’t get laid

flynn

 

Dual thought process the day after:

 

Girl:

I definitely think I’ll hear from him, he said that “when we hang out again” and he was talking about his family and asking loads of questions

girl

Guy:

 

Hmmm do I want pizza or Mexican for dinner today?!

MmnIjQa

After neither has got a text after 3 days:

Girl:

 

What if he got his phone stolen? What if he got on with me SO well that he’s freaked out and backed off? What if his memory got erased off his phone and now he has no way of contacting me?

bmh

Guy:

 

Huh, maybe I’ll drop her a text

homer

After receiving first text after first date:

 

Girl:

I knew we had chemistry, I’m so excited for him to take me out again. He’s so not like the other guys I’ve been with!

fun

Guy:

 

Boom she text back, the 3 day rule always works! Now maybe I’ll get laid on date 2!

wic

Text to friends as they’re on their way to date two

 

Girl:

 

I’m so excited, I wore a nice skirt to show off my legs and covered up my cleavage as I don’t want to give too much away, I’m totally wearing natural make-up that took me 3 hours to do! Wish me luck!

pary

Guy:

 

Fingers crossed she’s showing off her tits, they’re awesome!

ybrws

During date:

 

Girl:

 

He’s being so nice to me, I might even stay over

dance-splits

Guy:

 

She’s pretty fit, hopefully she’ll want to put out

sandy

The next morning:

 

Girl:

On my god, he is the best person ever! I’m totally going to be with him. There were fireworks, chemistry it’s all so romantic!

happy

Guy:

 

Boom!

bml

A week later:

 

Girl:

 

Can’t believe he’s not text or called, if he’s not into me the least he can do is just tell me rather than go AWOL… I’m a big girl. Urrghhh I hate men!

tupac

Guy:

 

To another girl: “So when are you going to let me take you out babe?”

Boring

What my friends have to say on the matter…

prbc

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Article review: Zoe Foster – Do you like who you are … when you’re in love?

My all round inspiration and girl who knows it all: Zoe Foster writes a column in Cosmopolitan Australia. She provides anecdotes and opinion/ advice features on matters of the heart. Each month a different topic is covered off, new relationships, exes, cheating, insecurities, dating, douches etc – you catch my drift?

You know what, she isn’t some elf proclaimed dating expert either, like someone I might mention (yep, me!) she actually is an author who has written many books about dalliances with the opposite sex – One of which she actually wrote with her now fiancée, who was her then guy-mate about both perspectives – Textbook Romance.

Back to the case in point, this article asks: ‘Do you like who you are… when you’re in love?’ – Which, I feel is a very relevant and honest question!

I found myself asking, do we change when we’re in love… do I change when I’m in love? If so, do I like who I become? A little bit of change is natural right?! Hmmm the more I started to think about it, the more unsure I became.

I decided to cast my mind back to my ‘single’ days, which basically consisted off, partying most nights with my single girlies in tow (which also consisted of most mornings with a hangover from hell) I’d constantly find myself calling the girls to see what they were up to, texting to see if they fancied some cocktails, beers at the local etc

Flash forward to me being in loved-up relationship and I’m embarrassed to say that I probably catch up with my friends once or twice a week, most often not by me taking the lead and arranging. I can’t remember the last time I went on an all night dance fest with my chicas and realised that I have been just as happy to curl up on the sofa as I used to be heading towards 2am with a tequila shot (of three) in tow.

Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it’s all about balance, right?

In my previous relationships I definitely changed for the worse when I was so in love I was miserable! As Zoe so cleverly depicts her experience (it’s strikingly similar) she found herself eating junk food all the time, wasn’t getting enough sleep, she cancelled on her friends a lot and stopped going to the gym. She was snappy when she wasn’t with him and sulky when he was around…

Thank god that isn’t the case in my current relationship, it does however describe to a T my state of mind and actions I my last serious relationship,  and man it wasn’t pretty! It got me to thinking that whilst I have another element in my life( a BF) I need to think, it doesn’t mean that other factors need to suffer, least of all my friends!

I’ve made a promise to myself to have a big girlies night out at least once a month, dinners and catch up with the girls at least twice week and to be the organiser of at least one of them!

I guess the point of this particular post is that, we’ve all had that relationship that brought out the worst in us and we can all be guilty of getting trapped in a ‘love bubble’ in the throws of a new relationship, but don’t forget your friends and remember who you are and what your passions are. Just because you’re now part of a couple, it doesn’t mean you have to lose ANY part of who you are!

As Zoe hits the nail on the head – ‘The right man and the right relationship should make you a better person! ‘

Those guys that weren’t the best for us, well they were in your life for a reason and made you more aware of who you are, or who you desire to be – not who you conform to be!

Zoe provides these top tips that you should ask yourself if you’re unsure or are the slightest gut feeling that you’re not your best self:

  1. Am I genuinely, honestly being true to myself in this relationship?
  2. Does it fulfil my needs?
  3. Does it bring out my best side?
  4. Do I feel guilt, anger, jealousy or any other negative feelings more than usual since being with this man?
  5. Do the people who love me (friends and family) say I’ve changed because of him/ around him?

I think you’ll know what you need to do if your answers to any of these questions bring any home truths to light.

(You can catch Zoe’s column in each month’s Cosmopolitan. The August 2012 edition features the article mentioned above. Page 51)

Your mum is ALWAYS right!


It pains me to say it, I’m not always comfortable when admitting I’m wrong, or indeed that others are right, but on this occasion it has to be said, my mum is always right!

At the age of 27 I’ve been speaking to my mum on an adult level since I was about 14, from when I was at school and going through my awkward insecure phase, to meeting my first boyfriend and my mum announcing that he was: “just like your dad”, not in a good way I might add!

To finding myself single at the age of 22 and wondering what the future held, my mum told me:  “as you get older you come to be aware that superficiality, money and material possessions are not the ultimate goals when it comes to happiness, both in life and in matters of the heart!”

When you find your mother telling you that a guy isn’t right for you, they’re most likely not! When your mum asks you what’s wrong, it’s because she can sense that something isn’t right! It has taken a while to admit defeat on this topic, even though my mum lives on the other side of the world, she can still tell what I’m thinking, when I’m doubting myself and always provides me with sound advise that deep inside I knew to be true, before I even picked up the phone!

Sure, my mum has made her fair share of mistakes, in life and in love, and I truly believe that this rite of passage, is what builds a women’s intuition and a mother’s instinct, which I conclude is all the more reason for us to stand up and pay attention. When it comes to life’s loves, challenges and bumps in the road, nine out of ten times mums know best.

There is a specific nugget of her advice I’d like to share with you, it may not resonate right now, but I guarantee that this will help you at some point when it comes to matters of the heart:

If something doesn’t feel right, listen to your gut!

A lot can be said for women’s intuition and our ‘gut feelings’, whether referring to when we know we’re going to have a difficult meeting in the office, it’s probably because we know in our heart that we haven’t been performing to 100% of our capabilities. The same can be said when we have those niggling feelings of doubt when it comes to a relationship, there are usually based on some form of facts, events or conversations.

When you have a ‘gut feeling’ it isn’t to say act without cause and jump in without thinking first, what I would suggest is talking to your partner openly if you have a feeling that something is right or something is missing – tactfully of course – and that you want to make it work!

If your conversation goes well and your man advises that he wants to do what he can to make it work and shows understanding of where you’re coming from, this is a god sign. In addition, if at the same time he wants to explain why he’s been acting a certain way, promises to try harder this is a win situation as you’ve opened up and been honest with your partner about doubts or concerns. If your gut feeling does hold any weight, this is the ideal opportunity for your partner to open up and make things right – if that’s the outcome that they want!

You do have to prepare yourself however that the conversation may not go the way in which you want it to, if your man becomes defensive towards you and can’t (or won’t) see things from your perspective, more often than not (in my experience) it’s because they have something that they’re hiding. If they refuse to listen or walk away without resolve, you’re not going to get the resolution/ revelation you desire to get your relationship back on track or to remove your doubts.

In this scenario I would always advise you to walk away and let them know that this is your cry for help that you want to make the relationship work.

If they don’t come chasing after you with a view to talk about problems in the relationship, then I’m sorry, but you may have to concede that they’re not the right match for you!

Whilst it might not appear this way at first, this is also a ‘win’ situation, as you’re giving yourself the chance to find the right partner for you, that wants to talk about things, have open conversations and see things from your perspective – Trust me, if the relationship is a one-way street, it won’t last very long, or it will continue with one very unhappy person as a result, who may have missed their true chance at happiness for not listening to their gut!

Wills and Kate – Is it ever right to get back with an ex?

There’s an article at the moment on Australian Women’s Weekly that provides an insight as to the tactics that allowed Kate to win back Wills (I don’t think I need to provide clarification as to who they are!). Now I’ve always come from the train of thought that if you split up with somebody you should leave it there and move on, otherwise you run the risk of never letting go f the reasons why you split up in the first place and becoming a resentful, insecure GF. I say this only from my own experience!

I got back with my ex time and time again and every time I’d snipe at him about who/ what he’s don’t whilst we’d be ‘on a break’ and I know each time I got back with him, that despite his pleading and assurance that he’d ‘change’, that we’d be right back in the same situation in 6 – 9 months time. It becomes quite tiring after a while.

I am aware that Will and Kate are still together and most probably will stay together, however I feel that they are more a case of ‘the exception’ rather the ‘the rule’.

I knew I’d get him in the end

Here’s what the article by Penny Junor had to say:

Prince William and Kate Middleton appear to have the ultimate fairy tale romance but just five years ago, William dumped his loyal girlfriend so he could spend more time clubbing with his friends.

Now, British author Penny Junor has revealed why William ended his relationship with Kate — and what sent him running back — in her controversial new book Prince William: Born to be King.

Junor says the 2007 break-up was entirely William’s decision, brought on by his fears that monogamy was impossible.

“The problem was William: he had very real worries about whether it was possible to love just one woman,” Junor writes.

“After his hurricane childhood, he was understandably cautious about committing to a relationship.

“In his early years, he’d also lost many people he was close to. Subconsciously, he may have been wary of allowing himself to become too attached to Kate, in case she too abandoned him.”

At the time of the split, William was serving with the military in Dorset, while Kate was living in London.

The couple spent less and less time together. To Kate’s dismay, William started coming to London on his days off to go clubbing with friends and returning to Dorset without even dropping in to see her.

“It’s likely he was feeling a bit claustrophobic: after all, they’d been together since the age of 20 and Kate had always wanted rather more commitment than he was prepared to give.

“Nor were all his friends that keen on her: some thought she was a bit too sensible and serious, and that she disapproved of their wilder antics.

“Meanwhile, William was all too aware that he hadn’t had any other serious relationship before meeting Kate.”

So William ended their romance and Kate — though reportedly devastated — decided the only thing to do was party.

She went out with friends nearly every night, with the paparazzi capturing her every move. Even William couldn’t ignore the newspaper stories about his beautiful ex and within months, he was back in her arms.

“What brought him running back, according to someone who knows him well, was jealousy,” Junor writes.

“Although his girlfriend had been miserable, she hadn’t sat moping at home but had hit the town night after night, wearing a brave face and a sexy dress.

“William is quite old-fashioned in his outlook, and he realised he couldn’t bear the thought of her with another man. But it was another three-and-a-half years before he proposed.

Hmmm jealousy, me thinks that this isn’t the stable foundations on which to build a solid relationship! Quote: “I didn’t want to be with her, but when I saw her getting loads of attention I didn’t like it so I wanted her back!” Not the sentiment in which I’d like to get back with someone!

What are your thoughts? Should you ever get back with an ex? If so, in what circumstances is it ok?

GUEST POST** To go back or not to go back?

The inevitable question. You’re finally in a great relationship, hit a few speed bumps and then out of nowhere, you’re blind sighted and it’s all over. He pulls the plug. No conversation, no notice it’s just done.

So you do the best you can to move on. Throw in some half drunken texts about how he misses you and that’s about the extent of the effort from his end.

 

Then comes the day that you knew would happen. You even told him at the time of said break up it would happen. Yes, he comes crawling back. For most women out there, I’m sure this has regularly occurred for you too. That radar comes on ‘oh she is happy and going along ok, let’s come in and disrupt her progress.’

The text message comes in out of the blue:

 

Hi, I was wondering if after work tonight you would like to catch up for coffee or a drink?

 

Holding on to that hard ass attitude you required to save face during the break up, the text back is cold but with a miniscule bit of interest. Damn that tiny part! But to be mature and move on from the situation, maybe you say ok.

 

After rocking up late and making him wait, you feel like you’re in control. Then out comes a two page letter accompanied by a glass of wine. Are you supposed to swoon over the nice things said in the letter? Do you say too little too late? Or use more abusive words? Oh and another note, always, always make it coffee not wine!

 

Say you were friends before and you agree to just go back down that path to help you move on. This slowly turns into hanging out more and more and then…… you guessed it you’ve gone right back there.

 

Always one of those girls who is strong and hates others who do this, why is it always so easy to happen to you?

 

Once you’ve decided you’re going back, it’s important to let go of what happened. You know you can’t be throwing that in his face it just won’t work. But how do you work out that fine line of just how much effort you should be putting in compared to him. Is it really always 50/50?

 

My very wise mother who has been married to my father for 32 years tells me it’s not always 50/50. Sometimes it’s 80/20 pending on who did what wrong. And sometimes the other person needs to put in more effort. At the end of the day, if you’re the one who made the mistake and you say you’ll do anything to give things another go, a woman needs to see this ongoing effort (note, ongoing means longer than a couple of weeks).

 

What do you do when you hit conflict the second time? When you hit a road block and you work out as a couple you have trouble getting through times of conflict. Is it fair to think, it was a mistake agreeing to start things up again? Is it an asset that you can see the other person making immense effort in areas where they bailed before?

 

Dating is hard enough as everyone seems to manage their own lives and have little knowledge on how to give and take. It’s difficult to meet someone you click with, so when you do how much do you stick in there through the tough times when it didn’t work before?

 

I believe at the end of the day, it’s always up to the individual. It’s important for friends and family not to judge, just to be there and support the relationship if it works and if it doesn’t. Sometimes maybe you just have to throw the rules out the window. We’re in 2012, I think the rules are, there are no rules anymore. As a couple you can only do what works for you.

 

Simply Black and White

www.simplyblackandwhite.com.au

Is there ever a wrong type?

I have many friends that talk incessantly about the wrong ‘type’ of guy, more often that not it’s usually the type of guy that they go far and can’t stop no matter how hard they try.

I used to fall in this said category, I was a fan of the lad about town, the guy that catches the girls eyes and the guy that might as well have ‘trouble’ tattooed on his forehead! No matter how hard I tried to break this cycle, as soon as I saw the cheeky glint in their eye, I knew I was putty in their hands.

Now, I’ve broken this cycle after four years of going round and around (and then around again for good measure) in circles, playing the mating game and failing miserably (I was never ever any good at the rules anyway!). Now I am in a relationship with a guy that is none of the above (however I don’t doubt he used to be one of these types, he must’ve just been ready for a relationship).

Now I have friends that complain that they haven’t met ‘the one’ or haven’t got a boyfriend even though they’re ‘oh so ready’. However when they do meet guys that are lovely, good looking, funny and most of all are into them, you’d think they’d be ecstatic right?! Well… no! My girlfriend’s think the guys are boring, or ‘too’ keen so decide to not pursue. Now this really gets my goat, and here’s why:

Before I begin I must outline and stress that I don’t think that anyone should ever compromise when it comes to a relationship or matters of the heart, I do however believe that some people’s ‘ideals’ have more to them than meets the eye and are in fact a contradiction!

How many of your friends have been known to have the ‘type’ that consists of the jack the lad, good looking, popular-player type that oozes confidence and has a way with the ladies? Then they complain that they never get asked out on dates and that guy’s only want them for one thing… However on the off chance that they do get asked out on a date, more often than not, it’s with someone who’s lovely, good looking, perhaps not as cock sure albeit, but your GF isn’t interested as they’re too soft/ keen/ wet/ all of the above.

What gets me that if the good looking player type took them out and fell for them hard, they’d probably get bored too. The case of the wanting of what one cannot have comes to mind.

The fact is that in Sydney, it is a completely different ball game, guys could have a fit bird every night of the week if they wanted – and you know what, they probably wouldn’t have to try too hard. If a guy doesn’t want to be in a relationship, no matter how hot, friendly, driven, funny or sexy you are, you might struggle to change their mind.

You have to open yourself up to the fact that your usual type, may not be the right type for you and that’s why you’re still single. Sure there are the stories of the girls that met their future husband in a night club on a wild night out and fell into bed with one another and never looked back… I would argue the fact however that they are more of the case of the exception rather than the rule.

The nightclubs of Sydney are a whole new ball game and cat and mouse games are taking place all over the city. Girls are out and about hunting in packs for the guys that they long for and craving the attention they desire. Whilst on the other side, the guys only have to show up and not be offensive looking and they can bet their bottom dollar that they’ll score that night, most likely without even trying.

Now I don’t profess to be a dating expert, nor do I shy away from the mistakes and experiences I’ve had in the past, after all they make us who we are today right?! What I do have the benefit of though is hindsight and a shed loads of experience to boot.

I’ve come to the conclusion, it’s not about taming the bad boy, donning a chastity belt in order to ensure that the guy isn’t just with you for s3x or lowering your standards in order to be in a relationship. It’s about not resting on your laurels and acting as you would in your home town or country or just ‘before Sydney’. If you don’t like to sleep with people on the first date, don’t here, if you expect to be taken out before you’ll kiss a guy, do the same here… you get my drift?

If you’re finding yourself stuck in a dating rut and the guys you go for are all the same, how about when a relationship breaks down and doesn’t work out for any reason, make a note to yourself about qualities in the guy/ relationship you didn’t like, and try to ensure the next person doesn’t have these traits. By process of elimination, you should slowly get there!

FILM REVIEW: He’s so outta my league!

Hands up who’s thought this or said it to their GFs? I know I thought it with my first boyfriend and it had a detrimental effect on my confidence levels and made me insecure. I had a male guest blogger a few months ago that discussed the trials and tribulations of dating someone who is more than two levels above or below your rating, for example, if you’re a steady seven out of ten, you shouldn’t really entertain anyone that’s a five or below or a nine or above. He was of course referring to looks here and not the ‘whole package’.

I think the playing field completely alters when you start pulling a ‘rating together’ based on the whole package. I’ve been guilty before or going for a typical ‘hot’ guy, they look the part, but when it comes to matters of the heart, commitment or even banter they fall short. Well no more my friends, I’ve recently realised that this could be the basis of my undoing.

My mum, very wise women, has often spoken to me about the types of guys I go for, in that they’re just not sustainable in terms of longevity or a committed relationship. She has dated a few guys and has found the guy she wants to stay with forever:

My Dad – Her first love and the typical ‘lad’ about town.

He had the looks and the charm and was the guys every girl wanted to be with, she fell for him when she was 16, they were married at 21, and she had me at 24, then my brother at 27. She quickly realised that whilst my dad was an unbelievable father and doted a on my brother and I, he was and always would be ‘one of the lads’. He would still go out with them all the time and rock up late, the straw that broke the camel’s back was when he turned up late after staying out late on my sixth birthday drunk. It was a silly mistake, but she’d had enough. They were divorced just over a year later.

The second husband – Very driven and wealthy

He had the ambition and drive, he was a stockbroker and had done very well for himself, only unfortunately he had the personality of a spade and was very controlling. After nine years of marriage she left him.

Her soul mate – Loves her for who she is and treats her like
a princess

She has been with him for ten years, he isn’t the best looking person in the world and isn’t flash with the cash but they just well,
work! I’m so happy that she found someone who makes her happy and they love each other so much.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that looks and money can disappear, a connection and true love doesn’t go anywhere – no matter that your rating out of ten (which is subjective anyway – one persons five can be another’s ten)!

When watching the preview of Chalet Girl recently, which was released in cinemas nation-wide yesterday (September 1st 2011) the story is about a pretty tomboy, Kim Matthews who heads to Austria to work as a, yes you guessed it Chalet Girl to save money for her and her father. She ends up working for a very wealthy family, which happens to have a very dashing son
played by the ever swoonworthy, Ed Westwick. He’s mega fit (we know this) he’s wealthy and his character has great banter – check! (I’m starting to think these guys only exist in movies you know!)

He literally has EVERYTHING going for him, plus he’s a billionaire! Kim is pretty, got quite a bit of banter and is talented (she used to be a pro skateboarder before her mum was tragically killed in a car accident following one of Kim’s competitions) but is also from a working class background and has to work ont he slopes to save to run her family home. The light-hearted British movie highlighted to me the trials and tribulations of a. Desiring somebody that is ‘out of your league’ and b. The risk
of holiday romances…

We’ve all been there and fallen for a hottie on holiday, with no work to speak of and the tropical climate and golden tans, not to mention the escapism can make even the most unlikely of relationships work. Low and behold when they return home, the shine can quickly vanish (just like their golden tan) when they’re back to their day job.

Every once in a while, they do work out, just like in Chalet Girl! Hmmm maybe only in the movies.

I’d recommend you take a chance to watch the movie if you can, it’s British Humour at its best and will probably lead to your booking your next ski trip faster than you can say holiday romance.

Funny dating tale update to follow shortly!