Based on the findings from the book ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ (published in May 1992) by John Gray. The book is based on the idea that members of the opposite sex have very different communication styles, emotional needs and personal values to each other.
Yes! I hear you cry we know this is true, but how have we come to this conclusion? Why is there a resounding cheer of agreement worldwide with regards to this theory? And, what my blogger friends can we do to solve this mystery and work what is going on in the opposite sex’s blokey man-brains? Well, if we knew this, I wouldn’t be blogging about my dating adventures and man issues now would I!
As a girl, I like to be honest and upfront about how I feel, I don’t like to play games and if I want to text back I will. Flip-side I genuinely believe that guys play the game, obviously it depends on the types of guys, of course it does (we can’t tar all men with the same brush! Blah, blah, blah!).
The guys that I tend to come across, they’ll start off really keen, so I’ll be 100% myself with them. Fast forward two weeks and I’ve been replying to their texts, seeing them if they ask me out… then all of a sudden they go dark on me.
Now don’t get me wrong, yes maybe they’re just not that into me, but why do guys just all of a sudden go off the radar without so much of a courtesy ‘I don’t think it’s working’. They just go MIA without as much as a wave goodbye. I think that even in dating terms, manners don’t cost anything, yes it might not be a lovely conversation or something you particularly want to do, but sometimes you’ve just got to suck it up!
Even the guys that we weren’t really that bothered about, I do tend to find that when they go MIA it seems to bother you more as it comes so left of centre.
Enter the Pedestal Theory:
I know for a fact that I have a dating cycle, we probably all do, it just takes a while to admit it. Here is mine in a nutshell:
- Single for about 2/3 months
- Meet someone (we’ll call him A for the benefit of this nutshell) who really turns my head
- We date for about a month
- They go MIA and break my heart
- I feel sorry for myself and miss the attention
- I meet someone who likes me, we’ll call him C, they’re not my usual type, but they seem lovely and have the potential to treat me the way that I wish A would’ve done (I almost feel like I’m on a pedestal, one that I’ve climbed up on completely of my own accord BTW
- Spend two/ three weeks dating, C shower me with attention, I don’t play games, I even shock horror – text them and call them first
- I start to not hear back from C’s texts straight away and when he gets missed calls from me, I don’t hear back for hours
- I slowly feel myself falling off that pedestal that I’d so confidently climbed up onto, even wearing stiletto heels
- All of a sudden it’s the weekend, I haven’t heard from him, if he does get back to me it’s with one word, non-chatty texts…
- Cue me falling backwards off the pedestal as my stiletto heel breaks, I tumble-down to land in a big pile of sh*t.
- I look up and there’s C standing on that very pedestal (that’s mine get off!) waving and giving me the finger as he trots off to pull another victim that he can now be a bit more cocky with (BTW guys have their patterns too! We’ll come back to this another time!)
Here I am single again and decide I’m swearing off guys for at least 2/3 months – so they cycle begins again…
My very good friend Julie keeps on telling me to not be so nice, that I’m too available, treat them mean keep them keen etc – I can’t help but think however, that if they were the right person for me all the game playing and being ‘hard to get’ just wouldn’t matter.
Take Neal for example, I mentioned him about three weeks ago, the one I met at Circo Loco – you remember, you don’t! Just humour me…
We had a lovely night, exchanged numbers, I didn’t hear, four days later he added me on the book of face and explained he’d been ill and lost his phone. I responded the next day and haven’t heard from him since. No idea what happened there considering I didn’t even have the chance to mess that one up, ha!
The there’s the lovely Paul, half Maltese, half English Aussie who I haven’t seen since he turned up at my house on Australia day. Sure he’s asked me on dates and then cancels on the day, or the day before if he was feeling a bit more respectful. However, I still get those phone calls at 10:30pm on a Saturday night, which I ignore. Randomly he got in touch on Sunday and apologised for being MIA for the past four months, advised that he was saving so had been lying low. (Oh yeah because that’s the law apparently when you’re saving, you can’t text!) He then said he still owed me a dinner that he’d promised – As if he has to ego to think I’ve been waiting up every night for him to ‘lock in’ our long overdue date – I think not!
A recent article in Good Health magazine by Helen Foster provided the findings to a recent study that highlights that men and women are worlds apart:
It concludes that women feel pain differently:
“When we get an ache it tends to feel more severe and last longer than the same pain might in men. This is partly biological — oestrogen increases the amount of nerves a painful feeling stimulates, “but while men focus merely on the way a pain feels, women tend to focus on how it’s going to affect them”, says US psychologist Dr Jennifer Kelly, who spoke on gender and pain at the recent convention of the American Psychological Association. “This makes you feel more negatively about it.”
(Full article can be found here)
It got me to thinking; I wonder if this is the same for emotional pain? Answers on a post card please.