It’s been a while and I have a backlog of dating disaster tales what I feel are only too appropriate to share… I’m going to start with the story of a guy I met on Match.com. Brace yourselves, buckle up and get ready to be thankful you’re not me right now…
I had joined up Match.com on a trial basis to see what the offerings were out there. It was a time before tinder, a time when Match.com was one of the few forms of dating that held a much higher probability ratio of not receiving dick pictures (always a bonus).
I had matched with a cute older guy, a bit older than I normally go for but figured YOLO and he was 36, not 56! Ha!
After we got chatting he revealed that he was a TV presenter for a world famous football clubs TV channel, interesting. So I did the thing any self respecting girl would do, I Google searched the fuck out of him – true to form, Google didn’t let me down. As said man, let’s call him Mikey (name changed obvs) was kinda in the public eye, I was able to see the public’s feedback and perceptions of him… let’s just say it wasn’t pretty.
I figured people were just jealous of his privileged job, so decided that I would try to figure out how much of a *prick* he was for myself… #ahem
After chatting on the site for a couple of days, he asked me for my number, a good sign in my eyes, so I dutifully obliged. To my surprise he text me almost immediately and asked if I’d like to go out. I was definitely interested in getting to know him better and to meet him in the flesh so I agreed… three days went by and nothing/ nada/ sweet FA – honestly why do men bother to ask you out if all they want is an ego boost. I deleted his number of figured another one bites the dust and that it was over before it began anyway – his lose etc
To my complete surprise, I got a text from him 5 days later apologising for being MIA, he explained that he’d met up with his recent ex and that they’d realised that there was still feelings there.
FML – He went on to explain that he thought I was a really nice girl and didn’t want to string me along. Me being the lovely girl that I am told him to go Fuck himself… Just jokes I told him I understood and that if they didn’t give it a try they’d never know.
Another week went by ad I didn’t give our lad Mikey another thought. Well that was until I got another text from him that went along the lines of: “Hey, it’s Mike, I understand if you want to delete my number but despite my better judgement and advise from my friends I did give it a go with my ex and perhaps not surprisingly it didn’t work out. I really thought we got on and wondered if we could possibly pick up where we left off…” – Interesting, I decided I could either actually tell him to frock off or explore this scenario further to see what would come of it… Knowing me as you do… you can probably guess that I opted for the latter.
We arranged to meet up the next night, I have to be honest, I was actually quite excited.
We went to the local pub, I got there first so went to the bar and asked him what he wanted to drink, he text back stating a beer and said he was 2 mins away. I ordered the drink and got a tap on my shoulder, I turned around to be greeted by Mikey – he definitely was good looking, but looked a lot older in the flesh – he was also shorter than I imagined. We grabbed our drinks and sat down.
He seemed uncomfortable but I put it down to nerves – then he suddenly realised that he had forgotten his wallet. Luckily as he lived round the corner we said we’d go and pick it up on the way to the next pub. As we were talking he exclaimed that he had completely forgotten that he was meant to be taking part in the local pub’s quiz that night with his team. Quite surprisingly he asked me if I wanted to join him – for a first date I thought it was a bit strange.
However I figured that it was a good sign that he wanted me to meet his friends so I said yes – plus I love a good pub quiz so figured if nothing else it would be a laugh.
So off we went to the pub and I was greeted by his mates and quiz team, they were all really lovely and made me feel very welcome – which is more than what can be said for my date for the evening. He spent 30 minutes not looking up from his phone or taking part in the conversation, to say I was put out is putting it mildly.
After what seemed like forever, Mikey called me over and advised that he had been texting his friend and that she’d just found out she was pregnant and that the guy didn’t want to know and that he had to leave immediately (if not sooner). I was of course totally understanding, if not a little bit put out, especially when he turned round to all of his mates and said quiz team and announced that he would be leaving and if it would be ok if they all “looked after me” CRINGE!
At this point I thought fuck it! I went to the bar, ordered a bottle of wine and decided that I was going to have a great night.
We proceeded to win the prize for the best quiz name and also won the quiz – who knew! Ha! I got along famously with Mikey’s mates and they all proclaimed that even if we didn’t work out, they’d love to see me again – just lovely.
They dropped me off home and I concluded I’d had a great night and was hopeful that Mikey would be in touch to (at the very least) apologise. True to form I woke up the next day to receive a text from Mikey – I opened it up and read with jaw on the floor – I can dress it up, add a funny anecdote or put my own spin on it… however for now… I think its best you just read it for yourself…
“Hey, I want to apologise for leaving you last night, thankfully my friend is ok so that’s a relief. So I wanted to drop you a note to say that it was really nice to meet you, however whilst I don’t see anything romantic happening between us, my friends all loved you and would love you to become a permanent addition to the quiz team… and I agree – what do you think?!”