Tag Archives: cosmopolitan.com.au

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Whilst researching my ‘field’ and reading Cosmopolitan.com.au I came across an article that claims that a British survey has recently discovered that men are more likely to fall in love at first sight than women. Yeah right! I think there must be a typo here (i.e. replace love with lust) and you’ll probably be back on track.

The article states that apparently, all it takes for a man to fall in love is a simple flirty glance or whiff of perfume, with one in five men claiming to have fallen for a girl as soon as they laid eyes on her (seriously where do they find these men?! I mean names, addresses, e-mail address). Oh and it continues, after just one meeting, the stats rise even more – just over half were smitten after the first initial contact, and nearly three quarters had already decided she was The One within just three dates.

This might be more along the right lines… It found that women, on the other hand, are a bit more cynical. According to the study, which was conducted for the launch of Elizabeth Noble’s novel, The Way We Were, only a tenth of women believe they have ever experienced love at first sight, with most waiting until at least the sixth date to decide whether it was the real deal.

How may of you have been on a date with a guy and you find yourself thinking, “Could I see myself being with him?”, “would I be comfortable introducing him to my parents?”, or even “would that receding hair line become a turn off?”
I guess what I’m trying to say here is that when a girl goes on a date with a guy, there are a lot of things to consider, whereas (now I’m just guessing here) with guys, they either like you or they don’t.

The study also found that more men have said ‘I love you’ without the sentiment being reciprocated. Men are also more likely to utter those three magic words first in a new relationship. – I’m not being funny, but I would like to know the sample size and the demographic of the people that were surveyed here!

So tell us: do you believe in love at first sight?


Casual to commitment: Is it possible?

 I  have been doing quite a bit of research of late into the whole dating game to ensure that I keep the content fresh and relevant – no one wants to read a dull and boring blog do they?

 I’ve been busy in the world of new job mode since last Monday. Great team and lovely people, I’m really excited to get stuck in! As such however my dating life has most definitely taken a hit with wrapping up one job and wanting to make a great impression in the new job.

 Quite surprisingly for me the man in my life for the past two weeks has been the gym (might I just add I’m not bragging here, it is the first time I have set foot in a gym since January – and that was only for week. Before that I can’t even recall!).

 Anyway, the ones that you are interested in, you know the men in my life that I have been updating you about, are well, pretty much, dead in the water. Here’s a quick synopsis for you viewing pleasure! (I notice how a lot of my posts are poking fun at my own misfortune – This, my friends I fear will be case for quite sometime as I try my best to figure out what goes on the other sex’s minds and challenge and tackle the Sydney dating scene head on!). For those of you that are single and live inSydney– you know what I’m talking about…

 Where were we? Oh yeah, update!

 Ten year crush – I went on a boat party with all of my lovely friends, he was also there with his friends. I had a merry time cruising around the harbour and drinking wine. I headed down to the bathroom to sort out my rain drenched hair after a sudden downpour, I asked a girl if I could borrow her comb (as you do). The girl asked me where I was from, I told her. She asked my name and asked if I knew Dean (ten-year-crush) quite surprised I said yes, I was seeing him over Xmas. Only her face changed, she was currently seeing him!! Abort the mission, abort the mission!

 Dean had neglected to tell her that I and he had hooked up, so every time we’d met up, as friends I might add, she thought that we’d been hooking up. Cue tears and cocktails at sunset! Dean was not happy with me, although as far as I’m concerned I did nothing wrong, other than tell the truth! That’s one down! Next:

 Paul (half Maltese, half English) – I text him after receiving missed calls at 4am on a Saturday morning saying that I wasn’t looking to be that with him and if that’s what he’s looking for I’m not the right person! I got a reply saying: “I’m sorry who this is, I lost my phone!” Likely story, how many girls has he got on the go to not know who that would be from! I told him it was me and he called immediately saying that a rendezvous was long over due! Despite my better judgement we locked in a date, I was excited… Until low and behold he bailed at the eleventh hour – despite him apologising profusely and saying he would make it up to me, I have not heard anything since – that was two weeks ago.

They’re dropping like flies, honestly! With regards to The Kiwi Poet, I see him out and about literally EVERYWHERE I go, a snapshot of the places we’ve both been in the past two weeks, completely coincidently:

 Randwick Races

The Sheaf

Beach Road Hotel

The Paddington Inn

 There has just been nice chit-chat since that text, think I can safely say that ship has sailed…

 So all this has got me to thinking, can you start-up a relationship with a causal hook up? If guys see you as that in their eyes, will they ever see you as girlfriend material? Is it best to hold back with the ones that you feel something for to see if it could develop into something else?

 I’ve been single for nearly four years now and I am non-the wiser! With flicks out at the moment like ‘Love and Other Drugs’, ‘No Strings Attached’ and ‘Friends with Benefits’ does it give false hope to single ladies all over the world as they dream that their ‘hook-up’ guy will realise that he’s got something good and doesn’t want to let it go. This I fear doesn’t happen too often as why would they want to stop having their cake and eating it too??

 Whilst I was doing my research I came across the following article on Cosmopolitan.com.au – think it raises a very valid point!

 Convinced your one-night-stand will disintegrate the morning after? Think again…

You may roll your eyes at the plot of the new romcom No Strings Attached where Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman play friends with benefits who start to fall in love. Because, really, how often does that work out? Well, according to a surprising new study of 321 couples, more often than you’d think. Researchers found that 17 per cent of couples now begin as a hook-up. Study author Anthony Paik also explains that these couples reported being just as happy as those who waited longer to get frisky.

Easy does it
Part of the reason hook-ups are more likely to turn into relationships is because the stigma has faded. “It’s become acceptable for women as well as men to have casual sex,” says couples’ therapist Pepper Schwartz, author of Finding Your Perfect Match. With no stigma, those guilt hangovers are fewer and further between. Plus, guys don’t instantly dismiss you as girlfriend material after a hook up (and vice versa). Going into a romantic encounter with zero expectations also helps keep you relaxed, says psychologist Debbie Magids, co-author of All the Good Ones Aren’t Taken. “When you are on a date, you’re more self-conscious about what you say and do,” she explains. “Whereas when you’re hooking up, you don’t care as much about how you come across, so you tend to be yourself.” As a result, your booty call has a chance to see the real you.

The tough part
Unfortunately, maintaining zero expectations gets harder the more often you sleep together, says Schwartz. And since 83 per cent of couples don’t start things off with a bang, the odds are pretty high your late-night rendezvous won’t segue into happily-ever-after. However, if you’re feeling it, and you think he might too, look for clues he wants more, like calling you more than once a week or asking you to brunch the morning after. To turn up the stakes, Schwartz suggests inviting your hook-up to do couple-y things, like go to a concert with you. Then see if he reciprocates with similar invitations. At some point Magid says you need to have a conversation to make sure you are on the same page. “A hook-up can definitely lead to a long-term relationship,” she says, “But you have to be willing to take a risk to clarify where you’re headed first.”

(Source: By Korin Miller http://www.cosmopolitan.com.au/Can_you_go_from_hookup_to_happily_ever_after.htm)

My face or yours?

I remember when I used to watch a show in the UK called ‘My Face or Yours’, hosted by comedian genius Jimmy Carr. It was a show where couples would go on together to be pitted against each other to find out who is in fact the hottest. They would not only rate themselves against other people, but also each other. At the end if they guessed correctly as to who is the ‘hottest’ they won a car or something – it was a long time since I watched it so the finer details escape me! Here’s an overview of the format from Wikipedia anyway so that you get the drift.

Round 1

Two contestants, usually a couple, had to choose who they think are the most attractive of two random individuals when their pictures appeared (the people in these pictures usually also are in the audience). If their choice was consistent with that of the audience, they win money.

Round 2

The contestants then have to choose who is the most attractive out of two celebrities, again winning cash if their opinion matched that of the audience.

Round 3

A special guest (of which there are four usually consisting of a stranger, friends, workmates and sometimes a celebrity) joins the contestants and they have to decide who is more attractive between the special guest and one of the contestants. If their choice was consistent with that of the audience, they win money.

Round 4

Finally, the two contestants had to decide who was the most attractive out of each other, winning if they guessed the same as the audience.

Jimmy Carr and June Sarpong

Not at all a superficial show…

The sad thing is that me and my ex actually used to bicker over who would win the ‘poll’. It used to really irritate me that he would never say me. He was so cock-sure that he couldn’t even be as gent and say of course they’d chose you lovely (even if he was just humouring me) he has to make his point and stick to his guns.

All this reminiscing lark got me to thinking about my recent relationships – a major part of my attraction to a guy is their looks (amongst other things: humour, intelligence… height etc). When I actually got to thinking, my check list of the ideal man is not only ludicrous – I doubt this person even exists.

A recent article on Cosmopolitan.com.au written by Jane Hollier discussed the effects that your looks can have on relationships. The opening sentence caught my eye:

“Things we worry about on the first date: food stuck in our teeth, what to wear, who pays the bill, and looking too…pretty?”

It isn’t something I have ever been concerned about I have to add, however the article goes on the state:

“According to a study in the UK, if you’re more attractive than your man, your relationship is destined to fail. Researchers studied over 100 couples that had been dating each other for different lengths of time, and concluded that if the man was more attractive, the relationship was safe. However, if the woman was easier on the eyes, one partner was more likely to prematurely evacuate from the relationship.

“Researcher Dr. Rob Burriss says there are a few reasons why this could be: attractive women are more confident and won’t cling onto the relationship; attractive women think they can pick and choose; attractive women prefer short-term relationships because it’s easier for them to move on, and it could end due to jealous behaviour from the less attractive partner.

“But wait, there’s more. According to Dr. Burris, if the female is the less attractive partner, they’re more likely to enjoy a long-term relationship because they “may have to make do with what they have.” “

Wow! So it got me to thinking, is this the same if the guy is hotter?

I have not dated guy, or stopped dating perfectly lovely guys in the past because they’ve not go t the right colour hair, they don’t have any drive or and they’re not tall enough (my 6’ 2” bench mark was always hard to top!) amongst other ridiculous reasons.

Pretty much what I look for...

You know the kind of things I mean, have you seen the Friends episode where Chandler admits that even the smallest of things can turn him off a woman – ‘mascara gloop’ being a prime example (oh and who could forget his worry about his current girlfriend finding out he had a third nipple and then him freaking out over her wooden leg!).

Despite looking for the ‘perfect guy’ and all the desirable traits, here I am still single and not meeting a genuine nice guy.

I guess it’s what they call growing up, I have had the dawning realisation (I always get there in the end) that yes – he might be 6’3”, yes he might be tall dark and handsome, he might make me giggle – but why do I constantly get stood up, he not call when he says he will or find him going off the radar for weeks on end. (Not mentioning any names here, ahem!). Maybe, just maybe because he can?

I figure, my check list is quite similar to a lot of women’s check lists out there. (Oh how against the norm am I? Tall, dark and handsome – never heard of anyone having that as their type before) I started seriously thinking:  how about I start looking for someone that yes, I’m attracted to, yes makes me laugh, yes is driven but also – perhaps most importantly treats me right and is a gentleman. It’s not about compromising here; it’s about looking at the bigger picture.

Would I rather be with an Adonis that other girls swoon over when they clock him, thinking inside “he picked me, yyiipppppeee”  closely followed by an insecure after thought “back off bitches he’s mine!” or would I rather be with a lovely cute guy that everyone who meets him loves and treats me right?

Let me pose that question to you… answers on a postcard please!