Tag Archives: texting

Dating 101** Eight texts that cover off Sydney dating experiences

A typical Mars Vs Venus scenario that reigns true when dating a Sydney-sider (based on means tested situations with Sydney based guys and gals)

 

Dual thought process after a first date that wasn’t a complete disaster:

 

Girl:

I really like him, he was such a gentleman, we really had the spark

dbltwrk

Guy:

 

Damn I held the door open for her and still didn’t get laid

flynn

 

Dual thought process the day after:

 

Girl:

I definitely think I’ll hear from him, he said that “when we hang out again” and he was talking about his family and asking loads of questions

girl

Guy:

 

Hmmm do I want pizza or Mexican for dinner today?!

MmnIjQa

After neither has got a text after 3 days:

Girl:

 

What if he got his phone stolen? What if he got on with me SO well that he’s freaked out and backed off? What if his memory got erased off his phone and now he has no way of contacting me?

bmh

Guy:

 

Huh, maybe I’ll drop her a text

homer

After receiving first text after first date:

 

Girl:

I knew we had chemistry, I’m so excited for him to take me out again. He’s so not like the other guys I’ve been with!

fun

Guy:

 

Boom she text back, the 3 day rule always works! Now maybe I’ll get laid on date 2!

wic

Text to friends as they’re on their way to date two

 

Girl:

 

I’m so excited, I wore a nice skirt to show off my legs and covered up my cleavage as I don’t want to give too much away, I’m totally wearing natural make-up that took me 3 hours to do! Wish me luck!

pary

Guy:

 

Fingers crossed she’s showing off her tits, they’re awesome!

ybrws

During date:

 

Girl:

 

He’s being so nice to me, I might even stay over

dance-splits

Guy:

 

She’s pretty fit, hopefully she’ll want to put out

sandy

The next morning:

 

Girl:

On my god, he is the best person ever! I’m totally going to be with him. There were fireworks, chemistry it’s all so romantic!

happy

Guy:

 

Boom!

bml

A week later:

 

Girl:

 

Can’t believe he’s not text or called, if he’s not into me the least he can do is just tell me rather than go AWOL… I’m a big girl. Urrghhh I hate men!

tupac

Guy:

 

To another girl: “So when are you going to let me take you out babe?”

Boring

What my friends have to say on the matter…

prbc

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Women are from Venus, men are from Mars!

Based on the findings from the book ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ (published in May 1992) by John Gray.  The book is based on the idea that members of the opposite sex  have very different communication styles, emotional needs and personal values to each other.

Yes! I hear you cry we know this is true, but how have we come to this conclusion? Why is there a resounding cheer of agreement worldwide with regards to this theory? And, what my blogger friends can we do to solve this mystery and work what is going on in the opposite sex’s blokey man-brains? Well, if we knew this, I wouldn’t be blogging about my dating adventures and man issues now would I!

How different we are!

As a girl, I like to be honest and upfront about how I feel, I don’t like to play games and if I want to text back I will. Flip-side I genuinely believe that guys play the game, obviously it depends on the types of guys, of course it does (we can’t tar all men with the same brush! Blah, blah, blah!).

 The guys that I tend to come across, they’ll  start off really keen, so I’ll be 100% myself with them. Fast forward two weeks and I’ve been replying to their texts, seeing them if they ask me out… then all of a sudden they go dark on me.

Now don’t get me wrong, yes maybe they’re just not that into me, but why do guys just all of a sudden go off the radar without so much of a courtesy ‘I don’t think it’s working’. They just go MIA without as much as a wave goodbye. I think that even in dating terms, manners don’t cost anything, yes it might not be a lovely conversation or something you particularly want to do, but sometimes you’ve just got to suck it up!

Even the guys that we weren’t really that bothered about, I do tend to find that when they go MIA it seems to bother you more as it comes so left of centre.

Enter the Pedestal Theory:

I know for a fact that I have a dating cycle, we probably all do, it just takes a while to admit it. Here is mine in a nutshell:

  • Single for about 2/3 months
  • Meet someone (we’ll call him A for the benefit of this nutshell) who really turns my head
  • We date for about a month
  • They go MIA and break my heart
  • I feel sorry for myself and miss the attention
  • I meet someone who likes me, we’ll call him C, they’re not my usual type, but they seem lovely and have the potential to treat me the way that I wish A would’ve done (I almost feel like I’m on a pedestal, one that I’ve climbed up on completely of my own accord BTW
  • Spend two/ three weeks dating, C shower me with attention, I don’t play games, I even shock horror – text them and call them first
  • I start to not hear back from C’s texts straight away and when he gets missed calls from me, I don’t hear back for hours
  • I slowly feel myself falling off that pedestal that I’d so confidently climbed up onto, even wearing stiletto heels
  • All of a sudden it’s the weekend, I haven’t heard from him, if he does get back to me it’s with one word, non-chatty texts…
  • Cue me falling backwards off the pedestal as my stiletto heel breaks, I tumble-down to land in a big pile of sh*t.
  • I look up and there’s C standing on that very pedestal (that’s mine get off!) waving and giving me the finger as he trots off to pull another victim that he can now be a bit more cocky with (BTW guys have their patterns too! We’ll come back to this another time!)

Here I am single again and decide I’m swearing off guys for at least 2/3 months – so they cycle begins again…

Going round in circles

My very good friend Julie keeps on telling me to not be so nice, that I’m too available, treat them mean keep them keen etc – I can’t help but think however, that if they were the right person for me all the game playing and being ‘hard to get’ just wouldn’t matter.

Take Neal for example, I mentioned him about three weeks ago, the one I met at Circo Loco – you remember, you don’t! Just humour me…

We had a lovely night, exchanged numbers, I didn’t hear, four days later he added me on the book of face and explained he’d been ill and lost his phone. I responded the next day and haven’t heard from him since. No idea what happened there considering I didn’t even have the chance to mess that one up, ha!

The there’s the lovely Paul, half Maltese, half English Aussie who I haven’t seen since he turned up at my house on Australia day. Sure he’s asked me on dates and then cancels on the day, or the day before if he was feeling a bit more respectful. However, I still get those phone calls at 10:30pm on a Saturday night, which I ignore.  Randomly he got in touch on Sunday and apologised for being MIA for the past four months, advised that he was saving so had been lying low. (Oh yeah because that’s the law apparently when you’re saving, you can’t text!) He then said he still owed me a dinner that he’d promised – As if he has to ego to think I’ve been waiting up every night for him to ‘lock in’ our long overdue date – I think not!

A recent article in Good Health magazine by Helen Foster provided the findings to a recent study that highlights that men and women are worlds apart:

It concludes that women feel pain differently:

“When we get an ache it tends to feel more severe and last longer than the same pain might in men. This is partly biological — oestrogen increases the amount of nerves a painful feeling stimulates, “but while men focus merely on the way a pain feels, women tend to focus on how it’s going to affect them”, says US psychologist Dr Jennifer Kelly, who spoke on gender and pain at the recent convention of the American Psychological Association. “This makes you feel more negatively about it.”

(Full article can be found here)

It got me to thinking; I wonder if this is the same for emotional pain? Answers on a post card please.

When is it time to step away from the phone?

Okay so we all have a theory about when you should play it cool, ramp it up and when we should feel ‘comfortable’ when texting/ phoning/ tweeting your current squeeze.

One of my very good friends, Julie (I‘ve introduced you to her before) believes that every guy needs to have ‘the chase’ when it comes to their current object of affection (no I’m not referring to women as objects, it’s a well-known phrase don’t ya know).

If the girl is there on a plate and too ‘available’ the guy rapidly loses interest. If they’re mysterious and just out of reach the guy is often left wondering: who else is she seeing, she’s obviously off somewhere being all popular and fabulous! Maybe I need to pin her down.

So I couldn’t help but think following our conversation that this may just be where I am going wrong! If I have to hear the following statement one more time I may just cry into my cocktail holding mitts, wait for it… drum roll please:

“I think you’re an awesome girl, I’m just not looking for anything serious just now. If I were looking for a relationship you’d totally be the type of girl I’d want to be with… but I’m leaving the country in a few days/ just out of a serious relationship/ a commitment phobe and have no plans of changing!” (Note: delete as appropriate) (Translation: I appreciate that you’re a nice person, but I’m just not that into you!)

I guess sometimes you have to admire a guy for being honest… sometimes! I received this gem of a text about a year ago following a number exchange on a night out, I text him a week later asking if he fancied meeting for a drink, trying to be independent, you know! Got this back (bearing in mind that we’d merely spoke for 10 minutes and hadn’t even kissed)

“I’m actually just looking for a physical thing at the moment, if you’re keen give me a call.” – What am I thrills on tap?! I deleted his number immediately, if not sooner!

When I was in my first (and only) long-term relationship I was so switched on and strong when it came to the perfect balance between being mysterious (only seeing him when he contacted me) and still appearing interested (not always free when he asked – especially not if he asked me the same day! But making effort at the same time).

 So I know I am capable of not appearing like I’ve already named all our kids and chosen the suburb I’d plan to grow old with them in! I’m just waaayyyyy outta practice of appearing breezy! LET THEM CALL YOU, LET THEM ASK YOU OUT etc etc

So I need to get back into the practice quick smart! Don’t get me wrong I’m all for independent women standing tall and proud and biting the bullet when it comes to telling a guy you like them and asking them out (how very modern). As with everything however there is a balance.

I’ll keep you posted with updates about how I go. (Cos that’s what we do here).

Potential dating disaster – Sod’s law why do you mock me?!

Don’t you just love it when a blast from the past saunters into your life (that you had all but written off as they’re now in the ‘friend zone’) asking if they can see you. Well I was graced with this situation at the beginning of this week.

Here I was sat at my desk working away with Facebook minimised at the bottom of my screen (well you never know who’s going to pop online do you?!).  I was very busy doing a very important media sell-in being all PR’y and stuff, so didn’t notice the Facebook tab change to flash “New message from”.

Now I don’t know if I’m in the minority here, I really don’t think that I am, but do you guys get that little lurch in your stomach wondering “who could this be?! Who is this messaging me at this time?!” Don’t get me wrong more often than not it’s one of my lovely friends, who I’m actually going to be seeing in three hours, who I was also with last night just saying “hey!” which is very lovely of course! Every so often however, I get a little pleasant surprise.

It just so happened that on this occasion it was one of the moments, hallelujah! Message from Liam (name changed)  saying… “Happy new year, you around for a catch up this week?” Huuraahhhh – Cue my head spinning, what does he want, he’s just been home to New Zealand and what could he possibly want to talk about?? Maybe the fact that he’s been home, realised that after two years, I am the one for him and he doesn’t want to waste anymore time?!

Of course I’m kidding, I didn’t think that at all, just jokes for banter for you guys…ahem…

So I quickly, cool as a cucumber sent him an e-mail five twenty minutes later casually stating that I was mega busy, missed his message, that I was free and for him to let me know when suited him. He came back straight away (which is very unlike him) asking if I was free that night? Talk about keen!

It actually happened that I wasn’t free that night, but had sooo much on I didn’t get back to him, I’d love to say on purpose as I am way too cool for school, it was in fact because I had a WIP all afternoon so couldn’t have replied if I wanted to.

I was in work the next day, just had my breakfast and replied to him apologising for not getting back to him and asked when he was next free. He got back straight away again saying he wasn’t free any other night, that Monday was his only night. Gutted! So wrote back saying “no worries, next week was probably better for me anyway.” Cue an e-mail at 4pm that afternoon, “free tnght?!” Which I was actually was! Yyippeeee! I explained that we were having a Mexican at our house and that he was more than welcome to come round.

I couldn’t quite believe that after a wall of silence he was being so proactive, it was a pleasant change, but didn’t stop my head from dreaming up fantasies about him sweeping me off my feet and telling me it was always me, I digress!

So we made arrangements, he was going to come to mine from Bondi Junction at 6:30. That was until I got a text from him at 5:15, obviously upon reflection saying “I’ve had a think actually I’d rather catch up when it’s just me and you so we can have a proper chat, lets rearrange for another night?” The plot thickens.

I was totally fine with that as I wasn’t looking my best anyway, so had a lovely evening with my housemates eating fajitas and drinking wine, Olay!

The next morning I woke up in somewhat of a daze, too much wine on a school night, less than ideal! I scraped my hair back, slapped some mascara on and threw on some skinny jeans and a vest – not looking my best by any means! I couldn’t help but think though that I wasn’t  going to see anyone I’m trying to impress anyway and I’m off to the gym at lunch, so all good.

I was running v late and wanted to make a good impression this year in the office, no one wants to be known as the girl that’s always late so I literally sprinted 100 meters to the bus stop with flip flops on (BTW – how fast can you run in flip flops seriously, not the hard bottomed kind, the ones with the sponge, you know what I mean. They’re like little trampolines attached to your feet as you make a break for the finish line a la Linford Christie). Arms were flailing everywhere, sweat was beginning to appear on my brow, never a good look!

I just got to the bus stop as the bus pulled up, out of breath, looking rather pink and shiny I boarded the bus. I took a quick scan around, there were no seats, damn!

I moved right to the back of the bus as our bus is the one that is always packed, I wasn’t in the mood to be screamed at by the bus driver to “move to the back of the bus love” over and over again. As I made the wobbly journey to the back of the bus I heard someone shout my name. Wait, they can’t have! No-one I know gets this bus, or do they?! I look up, low and behold who is standing there in all of his beautiful, manly, suited and booted glory, oh yeah that’s right, Liam! What are the chances?

Quite high apparently, as he now lives in Woollahra and gets this bus every day. Course he does!!!! Mental note to self: find a different way to get to work, bloody well hitchhike if you have to.

I managed to put my game face on and mock surprised happiness to see him, cue general chit chat about our Xmas and New Year, his trip back home etc etc. Meanwhile I’m sure that my face resembles the River Mersey and I’m getting pinker by the minute. We somehow get onto the conversation of when we’re going to meet up, I suggest my housemates birthday party on Friday, drinks in the city and then party at mine.

Liam asked if he could bring a friend, I take this as a good sign, but also judge him slightly for still wanting to see me after this encounter.  So we chat all the way from Paddington to St Leonards and we get off the bus at the same stop. As I made my bid for freedom (and to assess the damage my appearance had no doubt caused), Liam shouts, “def get on the email banter today!” To which I shout, “of course, speak in a bit.”

Only it’s now two days later, I’ve e-mailed him and haven’t got a response. Now I know I’m my own worst enemy when it comes to analysing situations but I can’t help but think that whatever it was he was going to talk to me about is no longer valid after that bus journey.

I’d love to hear your thoughts… also I’ll keep you updated with any progress, replies/ other chance encounters.