Tag Archives: kit and kaboodle

Mamamia response – The infamous guy-checklist!

Happy Friday 13th my blog readers, how are we all? I’ve been catching up on LOTS of dating related news this week, all of which have spurred me to write a number of posts/ responses in relation to each.

The first one I’d like to chat to you is a post that appeared on Mamamia’s blog this Monday titled: ‘I’m still waiting for love’. When I read the article, I can’t help but see so much of what I’ve said and felt in the past, and what my friends feel currently.

The article is the view point of Michelle D’Croix, she talks about her single life, her longing for children and to fill the ‘hole’ in her life – Love.

There are many comments in response to the post, some of which are negative (most of these are anonymous I might add) and some of which are positive, reinforcing the notion that love will find you in the end.

Now as a 27-year-old I appreciate that this may come across as preaching or smug, however let me stress as much as it is humanely possible to stress that this is not my aim! Any comments or opinions on here are born from my own life experiences and the challenges I’ve faced as a single woman in the past in a bid to learn from my mistakes and wrong turns. I want to show my loyal blog readers that they’re not alone when it comes to troubling matters of the heart, or the quest to find ‘the one’.

As a single girl I went on many dates, I had the philosophy that if I got myself out there enough, surely I’d

a. Get over my ex by having an amazing time in this amazing city or

b. Meet someone who I could truly love, and in return they’d love me for me.

Now I’ll be the first to admit that I was looking in all the wrong places, Kit and Kaboodle on a Saturday night in the Cross probably wasn’t the best place to meet a handsome stranger that would go beyond one night. Similarly, as a group of 6 – 10 single, strong –minded females, we probably weren’t the most approachable to any guys that were potentially interested.

I ended up meeting my boy through mutual friends, the way most of my girlfriends met their current partners – that’s not to say that this is the only way you can meet someone, but generally speaking, if you’ve got the same taste in friendship groups, there’s a strong chance you’ll have something in common!

I only know from my experience of being single, that I did set the bar high – I constantly said that I wasn’t willing to compromise on anything, nor should I have to! I wanted a confident, jack-the-lad, loyal, friendly, selfless, thoughtful person that loves to travel is moral, good-listener, funny, good-looking, driven, financially-stable, popular, Brit or Kiwi that would sweep me off my feet.

However after three years of searching with my checklist out, I quickly realised that the values that I wasn’t willing to compromise on, weren’t the right ones.

I don’t think any women, no matter how old, how lonely, attractive etc should ever have to compromise on the values that they look for in a partner, for example:

Should I ever find myself single again, I will never compromise on the following:

Loyal, friendly, moral, thoughtful, good listener, makes me laugh – As these are the values that I hold dear and look for not only in a life partner, but also in myself!

So screams of protests about ‘comprimise’ I can’t help but think are somewhat misguided! For example, the following ‘checklist items’ should not be the be-all-and-end-all for your ideal partner (and in some cases, each of the attributes negates another in the list):

Confident, jack-the-lad, good-looking, driven, financially-stable, popular, Brit or Kiwi, sweep me off my feet.

Here’s my opinion as to why:

Confident/ Jack-the-lad/ Popular – A guy that is confident and isn’t shy can also be described as boisterous, whilst I agree that this can be a very attractive quality, it can sometimes bring out the worst in people (coming from a very outgoing, confident person!) Sometimes, just sometimes it is the quieter shy-types that have more to say on a personal level. Just because they don’t fight to be the centre of attention, doesn’t mean they don’t have a voice or opinions worth listening to! So if you find yourself constantly looking for the ‘ring leader’ of the group, maybe cast your net wider, you might be pleasantly surprised!

Good-looking – Ahhhh the quality at the top of most people’s lists – which is of course entirely subjective. One woman’s Brad Pitt is another’s David Brent. I do feel however that this should not be high up on your list of qualities you’re not willing to comprise on – I’m not saying you should go for someone you’re not attracted to at all, that completely defeats my point! What I am saying is that if your type is tall, dark and handsome, there may just be an average height Joe with blonde hair who’s v cute but with a big nose that you actually have loads in common with and actually think is very attractive, albeit not in your usual fire in your pants kinda way! Some of the best cases of my friend’s falling in love, has beent the slow burners, where they know they fancy them, they think they’re cute, but they’re not sure that there’s a ‘spark’ –  cue months of dating and they’re completely and utterly in love!

Driven – Don’t base whether a guy is good enough for you on his career choice – This for me is about a state of mind! Driven is again a massively subject point of view. Think a Eastern Suburbs guy who always dreamed of working on the mines, he didn’t need a degree, but it was what he always wanted to do and has achieved his dream, Or the guy from Manchester in the UK that’s always had a passion for extreme sports and adventure, he works for six months of the year as a diving instructor in Koh Tao and spend the other six months in Sydney working in a bar to spend time with his mates and save for his flight and accommodation for the net season. To the ‘stereotypical ‘driven man that has gone to university and has a masters and is now the CEO is his own company with a huge office on Macquarie street – If a guy is following his passion to make himself happy and fulfil his life, that in my opinion, whatever the dream – he’s driven as he’s making it happen!

Financially stable – As independent women we of course want a man that can look after himself also, but you need to see the bigger picture here.  This shouldn’t be on your check list, of course it’s a bonus and as the potential father of our kids we want them to be able to look after themselves, buy why not at the crux of everything find out if you’re actually compatible as a couple. If so, you have the foundations and who knows what is around the corner – you might be what he needs to go for the job he’s always wanted, patent his invention, stat is surf school – who knows? Well you certainly won’t ever know if you don’t look beyond your ‘ideal!’

Brit /Kiwi – Really, are we going to do this? Not look at a potential love of our lives due to geography? Spare me please!

Sweep me off my feet – This is subjective also, one woman’s version of this might be candle lit picnic on a cliff, and another’s might be a helicopter ride to Jonah’s on the Bay. If you like him and you think it has potential just go with it, you know what you might even surprise yourself!

Suffice to say, open your eyes and your mind and challenge your ideal, ‘eligibility’ is very subjective and you need to be aware of this – don’t write off potential Mr right because of his looks, birth place or shyness!

At no point in the article does Michelle allude to doing any of the above, it’s just a pattern I’ve seen from my friends and reading this gave me the nudge to put my thoughts down on the page!

I wish Michelle the best of luck in her search for the one!

The original post is here: http://www.mamamia.com.au/relationships/being-single-and-waiting-for-love/#comment-886071

My first date in two months..

Here I am single again and decide I’m swearing off guys for at least 2/3 months – so they cycle begins again… Groundhog Day anyone?!

Ten Year Crush was my head turner, and then there was the dates that followed that well… weren’t, ha!

 Oh how I’d love to go on a date and come back to my friends and tell them how lovely he was, how we’d has a great time and that he’s asked to see me again full stop! It seems however that the dating gods know that I now document my every dating move and send me the most ridiculous circumstances/ outcomes as material for you guys 🙂

So it was the end of a two month drought and it was the long weekend of the Queen’s Birthday (can I just say that I love the fact that Aussies get the day of and the Brits don’t – unless they’re here like me of course… yyippeeeeeeeee).

Happy Birthday!!!

My weekend was fairly tame to begin with, a chilled Friday and partaking in the Coogee to Bondi walk on Saturday, I then cooked up a storm in the kitchen on the Sunday (yes I did make the Yorkshire Puddings from scratch, thank you, thank you very much!).

The girls and I were chilling on the sofa when my friend Sally and I decided to glam ourselves up and meet a few friends at The Paddington Inn. Outfits – check! Fabulous hair – check! Heels – check! Only it was pouring down outside and no taxis – Drowned rat look – check!

It didn’t halt our mission to have a fab night. We had a few cocktails at the Paddington Inn until about midnight, we then moved onto Kit and Kaboodle for more drinks and dancing antics.

Once at Kit and Kaboodle a particular guy caught my eye, to my utter surprise he came over and asked if he could buy me a drink, good manners – check!

We had a drink and then hit the dance floor, cue dancing around the dance floor like we were on the set of Strictly Ballroom (for some reason, when I’ve had a few drinks I all of a sudden believe I’m Tina Sparkle).

HEART!

The pleasant surprise was that he too also had the ‘moves’ on the dance floor too…

After what seemed like hours of burning up the dance floor, I decided it was home time as my little dancing shoes were no longer on speaking terms with my big dancing feet, they needed to take a break – from each other. I explained to the boy that it was time for me to go home, after a little kiss he asked if he could have my number as he’d like to take me out again, I dutifully obliged and he walked me out (how cute) to say goodbye.

After he hailed me a taxi, I hopped in and was homeward bound, it wasn’t long before I crashed out at home after a fab night.

I woke up the next morning to the all too familiar hangover headache and decided to take full advantage of my extra day of the weekend (thanks Elizabeth!) and go for a run, have lunch with the girls and then watch a movie with a Thai takeaway. I’d told the girls about my encounter the night before and then not thought much else about it. That was until I received a text of the boy that night saying that it was great to meet me and that he’s like to take me out for drinks soon – result.

The four-day week passed by in a haze as I had a big client event to organise, so my week consisted of work, gym, dinner and sleep… That was until on Thursday when it changed to work, gym, phone call from the boy, dinner and sleep. I was impressed that he’s called and not text, I think too many people these days rely on text messages and just don’t pick up the phone – until now. We had a nice chat about where we lived/ worked and he asked if he could take me out for the drink. I said yes so we decided to meet near my office after work on Friday and go for a drink at Luna Park. Yeahy!

Cue Friday evening, me sat at my desk waiting for him to arrive at six, he arrived at my office, looking hot and complemented me on my outfit – again good manners – check!

The beginning of the evening went really well, drinks and conversation flowed at the bar, time went by in a flash and we decided to head to the Crows Nest Hotel to watch the live band at 9pm. I’d only been there once before so was more than happy to go along. Before we knew it, it was 11pm and we decided to head to the city to the original place we had met, Kit and Kaboodle.

He knew all the door staff and we were granted access to the top floor- where the best music is, in my humble opinion. Now don’t get me wrong, we had now been out drinking for five hours straight, we’d skipped dinner and were now ordering shots at the bar – there really was no need. (Upon reflection it would’ve made sense for us to say goodbye after The Crows Nest Hotel and arranged to catch up soon, instead of partying on and continuing to add more alcohol to the mix).

So we again headed to our old friend/ foe the dance floor and said boy got chatting to what appeared to be an old friend, they said hello and then started dancing, cool I thought, seems like a fun guy that has lots of friends.

I left them to it and headed to the bathroom, when I returned they were still dancing on the dance floor, only they weren’t just dancing, they were kind of grinding with each other on the dance floor – a little inappropriate when your date is stood right there, but I’m quite laid back and it was our first date so just laughed and said I’d get the next round in… (as if we needed anymore!) Oh also, I forgot to say, the friend of said guy, that he was gyrating with, was… a guy! Ahem!

I returned from the bar with three shots, it would be rude not to right?! They both thanked me, the boy’s friend said it was so nice of me and asked me for my number, looking back, yes it did seem rather strange, but I didn’t want to be rude, so we exchanged numbers, then they continued to dance with each other – I could only be described as a bystander.

After about 15 minutes feeling rather awkward, I decided it was time to leave, I said goodbye to the boy and got myself a taxi.

I decided to take myself off to bed. All in all it had been a great first date, with the exception of the end, I did have a weird feeling about the way it had ended but decided not to dwell on it!

I was awoken the next morning with a text from the boy’s friend:

“Hi it’s XX from Kit and Kaboodle, that guy that was…um…doing things with your boy 😛 he he hope you had a fun night, sorry of we were inappropriate… its just us J xoxo”

Erm, what?!?!? I’m sooooooooo confused by this message, if I hadn’t received it, I would’ve been convinced that it was just me having too much to drink and would’ve forgotten about it.

The boy has since been in touch and I told him about the message and he laughed it off saying they get ‘frisky’ when they’ve had a drink and has asked to take me out again.

I would love your feedback as to your thoughts people: Am I being sensitive and I need to get a grip or would you think there was something weird about the message…