Tag Archives: gaming

GUEST POST** Date Like A Gay Guy….How changing your approach could improve your success

As two gay men that specialise in relationships we are constantly called upon to counsel our female family members and friends in a Sex in the City style Stanford Blatch and Carrie Bradshaw de-brief…although let it be said we both still have a full head of hair!

Why take our advice? Well, like you we dated, fell in love with and had our hearts broken by men and obviously we also have the advantage of also being one!

So, let’s start at the beginning…

The more you date, the more you learn about yourself and dating becomes easier. Logical yes? Practice really does make perfect, not necessarily a perfect date but closer to finding the perfect guy for you based on weeding out the rubbish!

Date one, most men consider a date simply a date. It’s a chance for both of you to get to know a little more about each other, don’t get ahead of yourself.

Most men won’t object to a little ego stroking and genuine interest in them but start the way you want to finish. You deserve the same in return so don’t give him all of your attention.

What qualities do you look for in man? Honesty, sense of humour, intelligence, manners, a friend? No doubt you have a pretty good idea of what you want so make sure you be that person too. Playing games and not showing the real you will only ever attract the wrong kind of guy.

Positivity and confidence will be the key to your successful game change. How many times have you been drawn to a guy that is theoretically the complete opposite of what you would consider your ‘type’? I would hazard a guess it was his charismatic swagger, cheeky smile and great conversation that attracted you well before you realised your checklist had been de-railed.

In some respects men are simple creatures. They don’t over analyse things and the way they show love can be more subtle, so don’t expect your love to be returned in the same way although the feelings could be just as strong.

We also know that men value physical appearance, that’s an obvious one, but before you reach for your salad it doesn’t mean stick thin bodies and the latest Chanel collection it means healthy body and mind, someone that values themselves enough to look after their appearance.

Finally, guys want to feel needed but not suffocated. Desperation is not a good look for anyone, no matter how hot you are.

Turn the tables on your dating disasters and take control. Dating isn’t rocket science and men definitely don’t treat it as such, so keep it simple and good luck!

Vinko Anthony & Andrea Anthony

Beau Brummell Introductions www.beaubrummellintroductions.com

Should I ask him to add me on Facebook? – worse still should I add him… No to all of the above!

Ahh the perils of the modern world, the politics and what we ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t do’, there is no written rule book about what the ‘right’ thing to do is, however there are plenty of ‘opinions’ out there that are often misconstrued as ‘facts’. (I maybe am going slightly overboard here with the ‘inverted commas’ however I’ll continue because I can!)

I’ve been guilty on more than one occasion of randomly adding people on Facebook after we’ve shared a moment of eye contact, or you know, held a conversation for longer than 30 seconds, or one step further spent the night (one) together.

When I took it upon myself to ask these ‘friends’ to be my Facebook friend, I was not only opening them up to be a facebook friend, no, I was inviting them to have a front row seat into the drama that is my life (well my life since I joined the book of face in 2007 – Cripes, that’s five years ago…).

A lot has happened in the past five years, relationships have broken down, I’ve travelled the world, I’ve moved across the pond, had more boozy nights out than I care (want) to remember and underneath all that, have it displayed on line on an ever so efficient timeline for all my facebook friends/ acquaintances/ people I met on a Groovy Grape tour about three years ago and have never seen since to have access to at the click of a mouse.

It does baffle me, as for someone that’s quite guarded when it comes to opening up (not anonymously I might add) about my personal life and history, why I found it so easy to click ‘add fiend’ to someone I’ve just met, that I possibly fancied and wanted to get to know better…

Worse still, I’ve pestered a guy I was dating to add me on facebook on more than one occasion, he wasn’t someone I was exclusive with, in fact we’d never even been on a date, he was my Saturday night go-to guy and I was the same for him (but girl-type obvs!). Now I have the benefit of a lil’ thing called perspective, I can now see why he might have been a little bit reluctant to accept me as a ‘friend’ and in that provide me with a golden ticket to peak into the window into his private life.

On the flip side, when guys have let me add them or they’ve followed up on my request for them to add me, because apparently it’s better that way… (seriously I have friends that refuse to add anyone as a friend, but see noooo drama at all in asking a guy to add them as ‘they’ve never added anyone on facebook’ the mind boggles!) Who have gone cold once the dreaded accept friend request tab has been clicked. No doubt it was because they’d lost interest after scanning my picture and have seen me on many a night out, looking worse for wear, along with images and albums that contain pictures of me with dates from girlfriend’s past!

I also think that it very much has the potential to put you slap bang into middle of the ‘clingy’ category if you add them on facebook too soon/ first/ ask them to add you. I genuinely think that if a guy likes you or sees a future, they’ll add you on FB once you’ve got to know each other better and are genuine friends outside of the cyber world. Alternatively, if you add them and they see a possible future, are you willing to open the can of worms that they might see something they don’t like too soon that raises questions that probably wouldn’t play on their mind should they have got to have know then ‘real’ you first!

There’s first date dating etiquette – one of the rules I started to live by was to not reveal my entire life story before the first course, so why in god’s name did I feel it was acceptable to add a guy on the book of face and open him up to my 67 albums (I knooowwww!) my status updates from the past five years and pictures of my ex, before I even know if he had any brothers or sisters.

No doubt that the advent of social media has changed the dating landscape and we’re all learning as we go, the advise that I would like to impart, is to imagine that facebook is one of your friends that always says the wrong thing at the wrong time, reveals information that little bit too soon to your potential significant other and shows pictures of you looking less than ideal (i.e. last St Paddy’s Day with a pint of Guinness dribbling down your chin!)When all you want to be perceived as is a ‘tidy bird’ with class and sophistication. Facebook my dear loyal followers is the cyber version of that mate, you know that you like them and when you spend time with them you have fun catching up on the gossip of others, but you know to keep them at arms length when there’s a new man in town.

So in answer to my initial questions

  • Should I ask him to add me on facbook – NO!
  • Should I add him on Facebook – NO!

And one more:

  • Should I realistically not add him on Facebook until at least the fourth date – What do you think, I’m guessing – NO!

The cyber ages might be changing the dating landscape, but don’t let them change your dating style – always keep some of you back – leave them wanting more – don’t have them reaching for the ‘delete friend’ tab, it will only end in tears before bedtime, TRUST ME!