Article review: Zoe Foster – Do you like who you are … when you’re in love?

My all round inspiration and girl who knows it all: Zoe Foster writes a column in Cosmopolitan Australia. She provides anecdotes and opinion/ advice features on matters of the heart. Each month a different topic is covered off, new relationships, exes, cheating, insecurities, dating, douches etc – you catch my drift?

You know what, she isn’t some elf proclaimed dating expert either, like someone I might mention (yep, me!) she actually is an author who has written many books about dalliances with the opposite sex – One of which she actually wrote with her now fiancée, who was her then guy-mate about both perspectives – Textbook Romance.

Back to the case in point, this article asks: ‘Do you like who you are… when you’re in love?’ – Which, I feel is a very relevant and honest question!

I found myself asking, do we change when we’re in love… do I change when I’m in love? If so, do I like who I become? A little bit of change is natural right?! Hmmm the more I started to think about it, the more unsure I became.

I decided to cast my mind back to my ‘single’ days, which basically consisted off, partying most nights with my single girlies in tow (which also consisted of most mornings with a hangover from hell) I’d constantly find myself calling the girls to see what they were up to, texting to see if they fancied some cocktails, beers at the local etc

Flash forward to me being in loved-up relationship and I’m embarrassed to say that I probably catch up with my friends once or twice a week, most often not by me taking the lead and arranging. I can’t remember the last time I went on an all night dance fest with my chicas and realised that I have been just as happy to curl up on the sofa as I used to be heading towards 2am with a tequila shot (of three) in tow.

Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it’s all about balance, right?

In my previous relationships I definitely changed for the worse when I was so in love I was miserable! As Zoe so cleverly depicts her experience (it’s strikingly similar) she found herself eating junk food all the time, wasn’t getting enough sleep, she cancelled on her friends a lot and stopped going to the gym. She was snappy when she wasn’t with him and sulky when he was around…

Thank god that isn’t the case in my current relationship, it does however describe to a T my state of mind and actions I my last serious relationship,  and man it wasn’t pretty! It got me to thinking that whilst I have another element in my life( a BF) I need to think, it doesn’t mean that other factors need to suffer, least of all my friends!

I’ve made a promise to myself to have a big girlies night out at least once a month, dinners and catch up with the girls at least twice week and to be the organiser of at least one of them!

I guess the point of this particular post is that, we’ve all had that relationship that brought out the worst in us and we can all be guilty of getting trapped in a ‘love bubble’ in the throws of a new relationship, but don’t forget your friends and remember who you are and what your passions are. Just because you’re now part of a couple, it doesn’t mean you have to lose ANY part of who you are!

As Zoe hits the nail on the head – ‘The right man and the right relationship should make you a better person! ‘

Those guys that weren’t the best for us, well they were in your life for a reason and made you more aware of who you are, or who you desire to be – not who you conform to be!

Zoe provides these top tips that you should ask yourself if you’re unsure or are the slightest gut feeling that you’re not your best self:

  1. Am I genuinely, honestly being true to myself in this relationship?
  2. Does it fulfil my needs?
  3. Does it bring out my best side?
  4. Do I feel guilt, anger, jealousy or any other negative feelings more than usual since being with this man?
  5. Do the people who love me (friends and family) say I’ve changed because of him/ around him?

I think you’ll know what you need to do if your answers to any of these questions bring any home truths to light.

(You can catch Zoe’s column in each month’s Cosmopolitan. The August 2012 edition features the article mentioned above. Page 51)

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