It pains me to say it, I’m not always comfortable when admitting I’m wrong, or indeed that others are right, but on this occasion it has to be said, my mum is always right!
At the age of 27 I’ve been speaking to my mum on an adult level since I was about 14, from when I was at school and going through my awkward insecure phase, to meeting my first boyfriend and my mum announcing that he was: “just like your dad”, not in a good way I might add!
To finding myself single at the age of 22 and wondering what the future held, my mum told me: “as you get older you come to be aware that superficiality, money and material possessions are not the ultimate goals when it comes to happiness, both in life and in matters of the heart!”
When you find your mother telling you that a guy isn’t right for you, they’re most likely not! When your mum asks you what’s wrong, it’s because she can sense that something isn’t right! It has taken a while to admit defeat on this topic, even though my mum lives on the other side of the world, she can still tell what I’m thinking, when I’m doubting myself and always provides me with sound advise that deep inside I knew to be true, before I even picked up the phone!
Sure, my mum has made her fair share of mistakes, in life and in love, and I truly believe that this rite of passage, is what builds a women’s intuition and a mother’s instinct, which I conclude is all the more reason for us to stand up and pay attention. When it comes to life’s loves, challenges and bumps in the road, nine out of ten times mums know best.
There is a specific nugget of her advice I’d like to share with you, it may not resonate right now, but I guarantee that this will help you at some point when it comes to matters of the heart:
If something doesn’t feel right, listen to your gut!
A lot can be said for women’s intuition and our ‘gut feelings’, whether referring to when we know we’re going to have a difficult meeting in the office, it’s probably because we know in our heart that we haven’t been performing to 100% of our capabilities. The same can be said when we have those niggling feelings of doubt when it comes to a relationship, there are usually based on some form of facts, events or conversations.
When you have a ‘gut feeling’ it isn’t to say act without cause and jump in without thinking first, what I would suggest is talking to your partner openly if you have a feeling that something is right or something is missing – tactfully of course – and that you want to make it work!
If your conversation goes well and your man advises that he wants to do what he can to make it work and shows understanding of where you’re coming from, this is a god sign. In addition, if at the same time he wants to explain why he’s been acting a certain way, promises to try harder this is a win situation as you’ve opened up and been honest with your partner about doubts or concerns. If your gut feeling does hold any weight, this is the ideal opportunity for your partner to open up and make things right – if that’s the outcome that they want!
You do have to prepare yourself however that the conversation may not go the way in which you want it to, if your man becomes defensive towards you and can’t (or won’t) see things from your perspective, more often than not (in my experience) it’s because they have something that they’re hiding. If they refuse to listen or walk away without resolve, you’re not going to get the resolution/ revelation you desire to get your relationship back on track or to remove your doubts.
In this scenario I would always advise you to walk away and let them know that this is your cry for help that you want to make the relationship work.
If they don’t come chasing after you with a view to talk about problems in the relationship, then I’m sorry, but you may have to concede that they’re not the right match for you!
Whilst it might not appear this way at first, this is also a ‘win’ situation, as you’re giving yourself the chance to find the right partner for you, that wants to talk about things, have open conversations and see things from your perspective – Trust me, if the relationship is a one-way street, it won’t last very long, or it will continue with one very unhappy person as a result, who may have missed their true chance at happiness for not listening to their gut!