Can’t see for looking

An article has been posted on SMH today which my lovely friend passed onto me that I simply couldn’t let pass my by without commenting on it.

As we all know I’ve kissed a few frogs in my time, I was single for over three years and had an absolute blast – of course there were times when I felt that I hated men and couldn’t believe my bad luck, most of all how I couldn’t get over how completely different the playing field was here in Sydney.

The article is here if you want to have a scan.

To summarise it’s about booty calls before the first date and the strange sexual tendencies of a single person. I’ve spoken out before with regards to our misguided friends who have ‘sex buddies’ who just hook up and have sex before he asks them out on a date…

If you’re completely comfortable with no stings sex and can say hand on heart that you’re 100% happy with no texts, phone calls or sometimes even a kiss goodbye after, then go on and fill your boots! What I will say however is, if you find yourself looking at your phone, putting your message alerts onto silent in a bid to not know if there’s a text there, (because not knowing if there’s a message there is 100% better than knowing for complete certainty that he can’t be bothered and, more frankly, has no intention of doing so until he’s drunk again at 3am next Sat night) think twice – I beg you for the sake of yourself respect and your sanity (your friend’s too!).

According to the article, there was an “interesting awareness study, done in 1999, called the Invisible Gorilla. In it, participants watched a video of people passing a basketball and were told to count the number of times the ball was passed. During the course of the video a person, dressed in a gorilla suit, wandered amidst the basketball throwers.

Afterwards, the scientists asked the study group if they had noticed anything unusual. As much as 40 per cent failed to see the person in the gorilla suit.

The point of the study was to highlight the fact that many of us are not as good at multitasking as we might like to think. When our attention is honed on one thing, we often fail to see other things even when they’re right before our eyes. This is not a bad thing. It allows us to tune out distractions so that we can focus. It only becomes a problem when we attempt to say drive and text, for example.”

This is also true of the invisible drink scenario – have you ever gone to the fridge and looked for the milk/ bottle of wine/ arsenic (just kidding of course) and no matter how hard you look you can’t see it, then you blink and it’s suddenly there? When you’re looking so hard for something, it can be right in front of your eyes, but you’re simply looking too hard and it passes you by (blummin heck metaphors all over the place here ladies).

The article in the SMH pulls a different conclusion to what I do from the findings of this study!  I believe that this highlights that in the quest for Mr Right, too many women don’t notice the massive gorilla in the room because she’s looking too hard for ‘Mr Perfect’.

In my case there was the crier who couldn’t bear to see me for one more minute as it transpired that I was friends of a friend with his ex – wow! There was the Kiwi Poet… Oh and there was the questionable one who proceeded to what only be described as dry hump his gay best mate for the latter half of our first date. Oh and then the ultimate doosh alert, the guy who knew about my blog so decided to bring a book with him that described what the ‘perfect’ first date should include and proceeded to reel off a list of ‘first date questions’ or dating 101 (ahem!) as he liked to call it. Questions included – What is your favourite Disney movie and why? Yes, yes that’s right! Didn’t help that I actually thought this was a ‘business meeting’ and not a date (considering I’d never actually met the guy!), the icing on the cake was the text after I left him that went a little bit like this: “You’re one of the most interesting people I’ve met recently we should do this again!” erm I’m sorry – WTF! Recently… Not even the last year, or in a while – recently! Give me strength!!!!

As Sarah Berry correctly points out, gorillas can be beneficial for a few reasons.

I obviously created a blog off the back of my plethora of dud guys! It also makes you feel so much better when you do actually meet a good guy.

All I will say is open your eyes and ask yourself the question, before you became ‘the single mate’ (which I was for a v long time, so no judgement here at all!) what would you have put up with? I’m guessing you would not have put up with a guy not texting you for weeks and weeks and weeks and I’m presuming that you most definitely would not have even thought about jumping to his tune when he finally does decide to get in touch, at 6pm on a Saturday night, or worse 3am (yup, been there done that, got the t-shirt).

I guess what I’m trying to say is, don’t spend your single years concentrating too hard on how many ‘balls you’re friends are catching’ or ticking off the ideals on a list of every guy you meet! Don’t spend forever writing your own love story and fairy tale and convincing yourself if there’s not fireworks and a white knight and his stead, it (the scenario) will simply not do.

If you open your eyes enough and are true to what you know you deserve and long for deep inside (no it’s not jack the lad and good-looking player Mr Dreamy aka Dooshy) it’s the guy in the gorilla suit smiling at you from across the room, wanting to come over to talk to you, hoping for the slightest bit of a signal so he can come and introduce himself, that you simply don’t see as he’s masked by your drive to meet Mr Perfect/ Man of your dreams/ Guy candy to take home to be your new boyfriend!

Whether your playing in the jungle with your like-minded sisters or you feel like you’re out in the wilderness all alone. Take a second to look around you, take off your blinkered vision hampering goggles and you might be surprised as what is and has been standing in front of you the entire time!


3 thoughts on “Can’t see for looking

  1. Gina

    Love it… and ladies, if you give him accidentally give him your gynecologists card, when he asks for your business card.. laugh it off and move on, or have the courage to email him.. he did you his for a reason after all!!!!

  2. Dating Safaris

    Hey Dating 101 – Thanks for the tweet! Our take!: We think that in a normal bar/club environment you may well miss potential dates as Gals don’t always give guys the time of day. In an environment where you are forced to spend time with someone that isn’t your usual type ( WINK WINK) you have time to see potential in wonderful guys you may have overlooked in another environment! xxxx

  3. Pat Riarchy

    This is hilarious. Only about 5 years ago I remember female after female declaring that they would not settle for second best. Now it’s OK to have sex on the first date (certainly according to Cosmo) and females are having to settle for second, third, fourth etc. best after all. The brutal truth is that only a desperado loser would be attached in some way to a female.

    The law now states that if I have a girlfriend across town and I take her out, we have sex, and I make the mistake of helping her out financially in any way then she can dump me and take me to the Family Court to make me pay for the sex because she didn’t ever clean my house or bear my children..

    There’s even some single mother on pleading for a guy to ask her out. She just wants a man to buy her dinner and/or drinks so if he does not like her she is not out of pocket and she can call him a frog, douchebag, rat, pig, dog, snake etc. So endearing to know what I am. Yet, females want ALL the PRIVILEGES of men. Here’s one staring you in the face but you won’t take it. It is such a privilege to see someone you fancy, approach them, ask them out, pay for them, and not have sex. Why do females steadfastly refuse to accept equality? I simply can not believe the pathetic arrogance and hypocrissy of females expecting a man to pay for an adult female yet scream for equality. At the same time refusing to approach men, ask them out, pay for them, and not have sex.

    Really tho, what can a female offer a man? We know from your own mouths that you are completely fake. Hair, eyebrows, eyes, skin, lips, boobs, height, weight, age, personality, orgasms, love etc. Everything. The only thing you can offer a man is a 75% chance you will ruin his life. But you can’t figure out why men don’t want you.

    You’re gonna need a LOT more than dating tips.


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