Over the years I have befriended a lot of gay guys, they are a lot of fun, perfect party partners and they are not shy when it comes to meeting people and using them for sexual favours! As you may or may now know, a very popular way for gay guys to meet is Grindr, an app for your phone where you can chat to people around you. It can be full of weirdos but there are also some genuinely horny people on there, in fact, a friend of a friend of mine met George Michael on Grindr and they are now great friends!
Anyway, back to the point in hand! I have always wondered why there was not a straight version. Obviously it would be a bit tamer as the gays will always outdo us straight people when it comes to being sexually active. Or so I thought…..
During the Christmas period, I went around India to try and find myself (it didn’t work, I just found my guts down a toilet bowl) and during that time a very dear friend of mine was introduced to Blendr, the straight version had finally arrived!!!!
Given that she was recently single and a very confident girl she didn’t waste any time seeing who was available around her! After a week of being given the biggest ego boost given the 100’s of messages she had received, she thought it would be a good idea to meet with a guy. He was one of the 100 who didn’t send her a picture of his junk…. Umm maybe it is very similar to Grindr??
Off she went and met a hot young man who was very sweet to her…. Ideal really! (he ended up being a nutter who called it off the day before her birthday but that’s a story for another day)
Sooo when I got back from India and after I had had a very long shower to clean the grime off of me, I decided to download the app myself! Cue about 15 guys trying to talk to me in about half an hour. Perhaps I had discovered a good way for Sydney men to actually talk to a woman? They are terrible at doing it in bars after all!
In the space of a few days I had been chatting to Luke, Paul and Andrew who all wanted to take me for a drink (I’m guessing something more too but I am an old fashioned girl in some ways so there would be none of that).
One particular night, my friend and I were ‘Blending’ together comparing stories when a guy started messaging us both at the same time. To her, he wrote ‘ok the plan for tonight is a few drinks in Surry Hills and then for me to wake up next to you’…. I only got a ‘hello’! How very dull of him! We decided to play games with him and I asked him why he was not planning to wake up next to me after a few drinks in Surry Hills…. Poor guy had no idea what was going on!
That weekend I went to meet Paul, one of the guys who I had been messaging a lot. We met in Surry Hills but there was no chemistry. Given that I was nervous, and he was dull I just started waffling on about riveting stuff like the weather and what a bad summer we had had. After an hour I made my excuses (I had to help a friend move wink wink nudge nudge) and went to meet the girls for some cocktails to drown my sorrows!
Luckily, in January I met a rather dashing young man on a boat and we hit it off. He was from the UK so I was instantly attracted to him (I had a pact with myself that I was only going to date English guys after lots of terrible dates with Aussies). Another bonus was that I had not met him through an app on my phone. We started dating and a few months down the line we have had weekends away, declared our feelings and fallen in love, not bad considering that we met on a trashy boat party…. I deleted the app!
This is when Blendr comes back to haunt you! When you are happily living in coupledom…..
During my Blending days, I had been chatting to a doctor, let’s call him Dr John for fun! He was from the UK (bonus), a doctor, lived in Manly and had been here for a few years. We were meant to meet for Tapas so we exchanged numbers and spent a few weeks texting back and forth. On the night that I was meant to meet him I cancelled as I wanted to go on my first date with the lovely guy that I met on the boat. I told him that I was not feeling well and I asked if we could postpone. Maybe it was karma coming back to bite me in the bum but….. cue weirdness!
Things went very well on our date (obviously) so I forgot about Dr John, well that was until he text me one day telling me about his salsa dancing the night before. Given that I had never even met the guy I decided to ignore him and hope that he would go away but the man persevered. He KEPT on messaging me for about 3 months even though I didn’t ever reply. The messages were always about random stuff like how he had ‘shaken his booty too much last night’ or how his work out at the gym was really intense! Show off!
A few weeks ago, my boyfriend and I were snuggling on the sofa when Dr John rang me! Obviously my boyfriend looked concerned as I even had him saved as Dr John on my phone so he wondered why a Dr was calling me on a Friday night. I, myself was concerned as to why he was calling me so I am not surprised that my boyfriend looked distressed.
I always think that honesty is the best policy in relationships so I explained that he was a guy I had been talking to on Blendr and that even though I had been ignoring him for 3 months he was still trying to get in touch. I decided to answer my phone, tell him to leave me alone and hang up!
I did exactly that and felt ever so slightly freaked out that he hadn’t given up yet, it’s not like we had even met each other. He messaged me straight away saying ‘no problem’
I went to sleep that night thinking that that was that….. Of course I was mistaken.
On Sunday, I was out for lunch with my boyfriend when a message came through, jokingly, we both said ‘oh I bet it’s from Dr John’ and low and behold it was!
The message said that he had written about me in his blog as though nothing had happened the other night WTF!!??!!??
I was getting angry now, yes I had been rude by ignoring him but this was just taking the biscuit now, for a Dr, he was not a very smart man!!
I replied saying that he had obviously NOT got the message the other day and once again asked him to leave me alone. Again, he responded asking what he had done wrong and I started to think if this guy had mental issues!
Enough was enough and I simply told him that I had a boyfriend now and that I would like him to leave me alone. Job done….. although now I am waiting for him to ‘check in’ to see if I am single again… just in case!
Dr John has now moved on, after many sleepless nights I am sure J he was even messaging my friend the other day so it proves that Blendr is a numbers game!
So girls, if you are considering taking the jump into the world of app dating I have a few tips for you…
- Know what you are getting into- you will see a lot of penis, even if you didn’t ask for it
- Be realistic- I doubt that you will find your prince on there
- Be careful on who you give your number out to unless you want to be stalked
- Never give out personal details
- Always tell a friend where you are going if you go and meet someone
And last but not least….
Always practice safe sex……