Signs they’re not the one

I’m often asked by my friends and you lovely blog readers – “How do I know I’ve met the one?” It’s the age old question that only you can answer, as there is only yourself that you can be 100% honest with (and even sometimes we find ourselves lying to ourselves – especially when it comes to matters of the heart).

One of my dear friends sent me an article from Match.com in the UK that looks at clear cut signs that he isn’t the one.

It looks to let you find out if your relationship is destined to last or whether it’s time to throw in the towel. (You’ll know my thoughts, you know I’ll have some smart arse comment to add)

The bad times outnumber the good
You should feel secure and content in your relationship at least eighty percent of the time. If you can’t remember the last time you actually had fun together without arguing or things getting fraught it could be time to pack your bags.

– This was one that made me realise that I shouldn’t be with my ex, I kept hoping that he would revert back to how he was at the beginning as that was the person that I’d fallen in love with, however he’d changed so much that all we argued about was him refusing to take me out not even once a month as he was ‘too busy’. I think a good philosophy to bear in mind is to think about when you’re in the throes of a new relationship, is this kind of behaviour you would put up with? Would you stick around if it were in your woo-ing days (or days of being woo-ed)? I’m guessing maybe not! It’s so easy to cling onto the coulda, should, woulda – but if they’re not budging and neither are you, you’re either on the path the splitsville – or a lifetime of unhappiness… remember we’re with people because we choose to be and we because we enjoy each other’s company – when that all goes away, you’re left with two people that tolerate each other – less than ideal!!!

They constantly put you down
A bit of friendly teasing is cute, but if your other half seems to get their kicks from making you the butt of all their jokes or belittling you in public, alarm bells should definitely be ringing. Putting someone down – especially in front of others – is a power game that you should play no part in.

-Again, a game I’ve played many a time before, it’s just not conducive to a loving relationship – I’m all for a bit of banter. However pet names such as lard arse and Pinocchio are just not acceptable (Even if he was carrying extra holiday weight – just jokes)

They refuse to talk things through
All relationships hit rocky patches, but if your partner deals with things by shutting down and giving you the ultimate passive-aggressive silent treatment you’re never going to be able to work through your issues together. It’s time to move on.

Ahhhh the silent treatment – how will you ever annoy me?! The most annoying thing in the world is to ignore me, I often get told I can talk for England, so imagine how helpless I feel when it’s not a two way conversation – the silent smouldering types – not for me love!

Little things get on your nerves
Okay, so it’s annoying when he/she leaves the cap off the toothpaste or forgets to put the milk back in the fridge, but those aren’t deal breakers. It’s when you start to feel irrationally annoyed by silly little things like his hairy toes or her singing in the shower that you know they’re not the one for you.

-The little things can become MASSIVE things!! I mean HUGE! When you fall for somebody, you fall for them warts and all! The things that would normally annoy you become endearing, his love for XBOX games (seriously it’s like they’re the other woman!), how he eats 10,000 sweets before dinner – just makes me smile. I know the second that the little things pi$$ me off, I need to take a look at myself! Sure not every relationship is smooth sailing, but when the little things become something you can’t stand and you start snapping  time to have a very frank discussion me thinks.

They take you for granted
Familiarity is a wonderful thing, but not when it’s at the expense of good manners. It’s part of your partner’s job spec to make you feel appreciated and loved. If they’re not upholding their side of the bargain, they don’t deserve to have you.

-Concur! The second that you’re taken for granted – show them why they shouldn’t. You’re with them through choice – not through some unbreakable bond – we’re our own people and had/ have the life of an individual, take me for granted and I can go straight back there. It never ceases to amaze me how there are some people that would never stand for their friends or family treating them this way and taking them for granted, but when it comes to men, it’s allowed to slide for fear of losing them. If you lose them because of you standing up for yourself – you were never there’s to begin with! Don’t forget that! It’s something I beat myself up about for years with regards to one of my exes, I told him I thought he was taking me for granted and he walked out, gave me the silent treatment and I never heard from him again – best thing that ever happened to me.

You disagree about the future
If you’re in continual disagreement about major life choices that lie ahead such as whether or not to start a family together, you need to think carefully about your next move. Hanging around hoping to change their mind is a risky gamble.

– I had a friend of my family that stayed with her husband for five years and brought up his daughter as her own. He turned around after five years and told her he was never going to have kids with her as he’d been there done that – he wasn’t for changing his mind either. Have these discussions once you start to feel like you can see a future with them. If you’re on the different page, don’t stay with them thinking that you’ll change their mind, otherwise you’ll end up alone and too old to have your own children. You owe it to yourself to be happy, don’t ever settle because you think it’s all you deserve – Life is too short!

They forget important stuff
No matter how busy or stressed your other half is, there’s no excuse for forgetting important things like your birthday, anniversary…or name! It’s a forewarning of further neglect to come.

– Well yeah if they forget your birthday it ain’t a good sign, just sayin’!

You can’t stand their friends
The company a person keeps says a lot about them. Feeling uncomfortable or unwelcome around the people he or she holds dear is an early indicator of friction and tension in years to come.

– hmmmmm a typical bug bear of mine – the ‘lads’ now don’t get me wrong, I love my guy to have loads of friends and to go out with them as much as they want – it’s important to have your own things going on in your lives and your own circle of friends – however when it is every weekend and it’s ‘lads only’ when you’ve travelled specifically to see them, it takes the piSS/ Even more so when their mates call you a nag! A real guide to the person you’re seeing is their friends – the company one keeps usually indicates their personality traits and the values/ qualities they look for in people – just bear that in mind!

There’s no spark

Cast your mind back to when you first started dating. Were you excited every time you heard from them? And are you now?  Those in lasting relationships still get a rush when their lover sends them a text or gives them a call.  If you no longer do, we seriously doubt they’re the one.

– When the sparks gone all you’re left with is a bit of ash that nobody wants! The rush should continue forever – my grandparents still hold hands, at the age of 85 they’re more in love than they were 50 years ago – strive for that for yourself!

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