The other perspective

I’ve been a bit MIA recently, mostly due to a massive work load before we finish for the Xmas break, but also partly due to the face that I’ve recently met someone. My apologies for deserting you all, for two weeks – how very rude of me! I’ll make it up to you.

Suffice to say I’ve been getting all geared up for Xmas, v excited! My company is taking my colleagues and I to Thailand for five days, then I’m staying on for two weeks in Koh Tao to chill and get my SSI Advanced Diving Certificate – I’ll be back in Sydney just in time for NYE to spend it with my friends and beau on the rooftop of the Glenmore. Good times ahead I hope!

A few people that read my blog have recently commented on how my tone has changed and I appear to not be as negative, about myself or men. Believe me when I say I am not, nor will I ever become one of those annoying preachers that thinks I’ve got it all figured out… Far from it! The dating landscape is changing all the time and I still have dating tales still come a-plenty from my friends and my lovely blog readers about men that go AWOL, are complete pigs, and… every so often the ones that sweep them off their feet (albeit the latter are few a far between).

A recent incident however got me to thinking about ‘the other side’ of the story – it made me realise that guys aren’t beamed here from other planets, and that more often than not the reason why they act the way they do is because they’re a product of their environment. I came across a blog post recently on another dating blog here in Sydney, it featured a post about (and I quote) “The worst date ever”. It happened to be about a friend of mine (the boy, not the girl).

Sure when I read it, I thought if I were on that date I’d be disgusted with no prior understanding of his previous dating/ heartbreak experiences.

Apparently he made obscene hand gestures when he bumped into his mates on the date to indicate that he was going to ‘get some action’ not cool! He then proceeded to expand on his disdain and disbelief in true love and soul mates and the chances of ‘meeting the one’ – noting that they were slim-to-non according to the law of averages.

The icing on the cake: He then asked for a ‘blowy’ in return for payment of the bill… ahem! Yes I agree, less than ideal.

However – it was with a hint of empathy that I understood part of the date and his reluctance to believe in love and all it stands for. It isn’t my story to tell, but let me just say that one would understand why he felt this way if they knew both sides of the story. Yes, I’m sure that all would agree that some of the actions were undeniably crass and crude, but you do have to ask yourself the question – why would a lovely guy, who is funny self-depredating and loyal when in the company of his friends act this way when the territory changes into a ‘date’?!

I’ve been in a similar situation with regards to my friends getting an insight into my dating life as it came to light recently that a number of my dating posts have made the rounds to the mutual friends of one of the guys I’ve blogged about. I’m not angry or concerned about this as I haven’t ever written anything that isn’t true, I put myself in this position and by my own admittance, knew that Sydney is growing increasingly smaller in terms of the tangled webs we weave.

I would imagine it was rather interesting to see the opinion of the girl for once, as opposed to their mate. Always great to hear the feedback 😉

I guess as we move into 2012, yes the tone of my blog has changed, but fear not the content will remain the same. I have many dating tales from my four years of singledom yet to be revealed (had to keep a few back right?!) Also, I’m always looking for content in terms of dodgy/ great and hilarious dating experiences – if you’re keen to become a guest blogger please give me a shout.

Also, if you have any venues/ activities/ festivals/ exhibitions that you’d like to suggest as great dates, let me know and I’ll review them on here.

I’ll leave you with a final note (I’m feeling v philosophical today). A have a number of friends that are recently single and are still working to get over their long-term exs. We all know this is a position I have been in.

I would just say that everyone breaks up for a reason. When we are in a relationship, it is because the two of you enjoy each other’s company, make each other laugh, have common interests, share/ support each other in your goals and dreams and most importantly – get along! The second any of these attributes of a relationship start to break down, you have to ask yourself if they are the person you imagine spending the rest of your life with.

If you look deep inside you know the reason is no. You can stay with them out of love, you can stay with them out of habit, you can even stay with them for fear that you’ll end up regretting leaving them for the rest of your life. If you don’t make the jump, you’ll spend your life wondering “What if”.

If you let them go and they come back fighting, promising to never let you down, realising what they’ve lost I’m usually inclined to believe that if you had the doubts the first time – they will slowly rear their head again when things get comfortable again. Howeevr, it would make me happy to proved wrong in this instance – all that matters is ultimately that you’re truly happy and never making do!

I came across this blog post on Beyond the Opposites recently: which explains what the main regrets of a dying person are. You can see the full article here. However in a nutshell, here they are:

I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me

I wish I didn’t work so hard

I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings

I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends

I wish that I had let myself be happier

It goes on to say that many didn’t realise that happiness was a choice. It is your choice – you are a product of your making. If you’re unhappy, work to find out what it is that makes you happy – that’s your own prerogative and self given right to do for yourself.

In light of my imminent trip, I often said to my friends that I always like to think that when I’m on the plane heading out to the destination that I’ve been granted my wish at the end of the holiday to do it all again and that I promised myself that if my wish was granted, I would do it right! It diffinetly makes you think about things from a different perspective.

I also like to apply this to relationships, imagine when you’ve met a potential new love interest that the relationship didn’t work out and this is your second chance to do it right: make sure you talk to them about your frustrations, don’t expect them to be mind readers, don’t get mad at them for experiences/ issues that are beyond their control. Instead talk to them about the reasons why they are an issue for you and provide them with your advice about how you would overcome them. Most importantly tell them everyday just how much they mean to you.

This philosophy can also be applied in life in general: Imagine this is your second chance at living your life, that on your day of reckoning you have been given the chance to make things right. Live every day like you’ve been granted your last wish to have the chance to do it all again differently, to live your life for you  – Ensure that you do all that you can this time around to live the life you imagined.

As we move into 201. rather than making unrealistic new year resolutions, how about you make a pledge to yourself to make this one shot at life one to remember.

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3 thoughts on “The other perspective

  1. Pat Riarchy

    What on Earth is there that is positive about men?

    You know that men are rats, pigs, dogs, snakes, thugs, paedophiles etc. As we know, if only men were more like females the world would be a better place.

    We also know that A Woman Needs a Man Like a Fish Needs a Bicycle. So why bother being positive about men.

    If a female just wants sex then that’s no problem. Noting that men are constantly sexually harassing females, sexually assaulting females and raping females then surely all a female would need to do to score is to walk outside. And men will fk anything so it doesn’t matter what you look like.

    We know that females would never settle for second best but men will. The desperados will cop anything. Everything is always men’s fault too because females are perfect.

    Then you can’t figure out why men don’t want you any more.

    Reply

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