I recently came across a great article on Yahoo7! (where I’ll also be contributing soon!!) that looked at how to love being single.
It got me to thinking about myself, having been single for four years now; I’ve had a LOT of practice! When I first found myself in singledom in 2007, I was so scared! I’d been in a relationship for six years, since the age of 16. In my entire adult life, I had only known how to be part of a couple.
Turns out I didn’t know how to be just me. Cue four years of soul searching, partying, mistakes, dates, travelling and discovering
new friendships that will last me a lifetime. If you’d have asked me four years ago that in four years time I would be living in Sydney, working in PR with a huge group of amazing friends, I probably wouldn’t have believed you.
Being single has taught me so much, albeit it’s taken me a while to learn from my mistakes, the patterns, the rebounds and the damn right idiots. But all of it has made me who I am today.
I’ve learned to not take people for granted, that not all men are pricks, sometimes they’re just being themselves and
having fun, I have tended to make things into bigger things than they are. I over analyse, think too much and am very stubborn/ defensive (really working on that part). But above all the wrong urns and bumps in the road, I finally know who I am, what motivates me and what I’m passionate about.
For all of my friends that say that they wish they has a button that would turn their feelings off when they come out of a relationship, I can’t help but think that, yeah that would be nice, however it’s something that we all go through and at the end of it we know that we could get through it again.
I’ve spent the past four years getting over a guy and it was only when I was confronted with him when I returned to the UK did I truly feel like he was out of my system. It was such a fab feeling thinking that I really didn’t feel anything for him anymore and know I wasn’t kidding myself. By truly finding myself, I realised that I was not the person I am today when I was part of ‘relationship’.
I have recently met someone, it’s early days, but seems strange that as I let go of a lot of baggage, almost straight away I was happy to let my guard down. (How refreshing!).
I have always said that someone pretty special would have to make me not want to be single anymore as I truly do think being single and finding yourself (corny as it sounds) is one of the best journeys a person can go on.
One of my very good friends came to visit me recently in Sydney from the UK, the love of her life (to date) told her that he didn’t know what he wanted anymore, so she walked out. Instead of going to Thailand on a trip of a lifetime with him, she rearranged her flights to Sydney to see two of her closest friends. She openly said that she saw it as the ending of one chapter, but most importantly the beginning of a new one.
Even though I of course feel for her for the heartbreak, the disappointment and the uncertainty, part of me was truly excited for her (and a little jealous) that she was about to embark on this life changing journey of self discovery. She could do what she wanted, on her terms and not settle for a life where she didn’t truly know 100% if she was with the person she was meant to be with. Instead she could do whatever she pleased with people around her that only want the best for her.
How completely refreshing and exciting – I wish more people that are suddenly single took the opportunity by the horns and go forth and explore. How many people wake up at 50 and say “If I had my time again… I’d do thing differently!”
I was lucky, I was in a relationship at 16 and all through uni, so never got to experience uni/ student life. I don’t need to regret it though as I’m living the life of a young professional in the best city in the world – beats Liverpool as a scrounger student hands down… just!
If you’re suddenly single and the thought of being ‘alone’ scares the bejesus out of you (in the words of Chandler from Friends), I’ll leave you with a few tips from my heart to embrace this new found lease of life and the next chapter.
How to Love Being Single
1. Discover the real you
Don’t conform to be what you think your dream man is looking for, when you meet the right person, they’ll love you for you – flaws and all!
2. Don’t spend your time drowning your sorrows
Yeah it’s easy to go out every night and get smashed looking for your next Mr Right (Right now) to make yourself feel better. The best way to get over a man is to get under another right… WRONG! I’m not saying don’t go out, I’m not saying don’t have wild night’s out, I’m not saying don’t have one night stands if it’s on your terms and your happy. What I am saying is don’t make a habit of doing it all the time! It’s not attractive when you’re hung over every day and look tired when you’re out.
Start a hobby, the thing that you’re passionate about that you never “quite got round to doing”. Have you always wanted to sail? Scuba Dive? Maybe you’re a massive fan of martial arts? Whatever floats your boat, this is the perfect time. When your you and being yourself, you’re putting together the building blocks and experiences that you can share when you meet ‘the one’ and have a really good time whilst doing it!
Indulge in some ‘me’ time
With more time on your hands to do the things that you want to on your terms, on your own. Nothing bad will happen, the universe will not spontaneously combust, people will not judge or point and stare. Take the time to enjoy your own company. This bodes well for then you do find yourself in a relationship again. You don’t want to be a needy, clingy person. You are self assured ad happy in your own skin. If you want to lie in bed listening to your new Bessie fave album with a face pack on, you know what… you can!
We’ve all fallen into the trap of eating out/ take away all the time when you’re in a relationship, it’s easy and you both can convince each other it’s ok. Also, when you find yourself ‘alone’, it’s so easy to comfort yourself with food – error! You don’t just need to look good on the outside, the inside is so important to. If you’re not eating right, drinking too much or not drinking enough water – it shows. Now’s the time to start looking after yourself, start as you mean to go on. If you don’t look after yourself, why should anyone else?
Spend time with your friends
That’s what they’re there for, you’re friends because you get along and they lift you up when you’re down and vice versa! Put in time with your friends, we’re all guilty of falling off the radar when we’re in a relationship – it’s natural as you have someone else in your life to want to spend time with them, just not at the detriment to your friendships.
Do not, I repeat do not dump your friends however when you find yourself in couple-ville again, your friends will be pissed and more importantly it isn’t cool. Your friends are your friends because you enjoy spending time together, not because they’re there to fill a void in your life . Single or loved up, you should always make time for your friends. If you ask most guys, they find this attractive too, a girl that has a solid network of friends, don’t take them for granted!
Is there a place you’ve always wanted to go, But maybe he didn’t fancy it? Screw him and do what you’ve always wanted to do – you’re single and fabulous – embrace it! There is nothing more invigorating that going on a soul searching trip on your own. You’ll be surprised how many people you meet along the way. Whether you’ve dreamed of shopping in NY but he didn’t like city breaks, you’ve always wanted to spend a week lounging on a beach, but he hated sand? Or maybe you’ve dreamed of travelling through Asia, but he didn’t like the food so it was a no go. Fuck it and do it – life is yours for the taking.
What you waiting for?! Go forth and discover yourself – you might be surprised as you discover the person you’ve always wanted to be (and know you have always been deep inside).
Although I’m venturing in the realms of having a partner, if it doesn’t work out and I find myself single again, I know that I’ll
be just fine!
Single = exciting!