Whilst surfing the net recently I came across an article on cosmopolitan.com.au that really peaked my interest, for obvious reasons: I’ve talked about ‘The Rules’ before in quite a lot of detail and also, it came to my attention that I very, very rarely adhere to them.
Here they are in all their glory, please refer to what my ‘rules’ have previously been as a point of reference as to what NOT to practice when dating, especially in Sydney!
- Be a creature unlike any other
Being a creature unlike any other is really an attitude, a sense of confidence and radiance that permeates your being from head to toe. It’s the way you smile (you light up the room), pause in between sentences (you don’t babble on out of nervousness), listen (attentively), look (demurely, never stare), breathe (slowly), stand (straight) and walk (briskly, with your shoulders back). When a relationship doesn’t work out, you brush away a tear so that it doesn’t smudge your makeup and you move on!
- Show up to parties, dances and social events even if you do not feel like it
Realize that you may not meet Mr. Right naturally and that you therefore must take social action immediately even if you don’t want to.
Get a manicure and go out on another date or to that singles dance – do something to increase your chances of meeting men.
- It’s a fantasy relationship unless a man asks you out
Don’t waste time on a fantasy relationship. You may have a good rapport with your doctor, lawyer or accountant, and you may find yourself wondering if he is interested in you romantically. How can you know for sure? If he’s never asked you out, then He’s Just Not That Into You!
- In an office romance, do not email him back every time he emails you unless it is business related
On all non-business e-mails, responding once for every four of his e-mails is a good rule of thumb. Remember, you never know who has access to your e-mail, so keep all romance off the screen and save it for Saturday nights.
- If you are in a long-distance relationship, he must visit you at least three times before you visit him
Remember, the first three visits are really nothing more than three dates… and on the first three dates we don’t have sex with a man or have him stay at our place overnight.
- When considering whether to use personal ads or other dating services, you should place the ad and let men respond to you
It goes back to the basic premise of The Rules: Man pursues woman. When writing your ad, remember that every man has a type, a voice or a look he likes. There has to be a spark for him that attracts him to you, something that makes him find you unexplainably special
- If he does not call, he is not that interested. Period
We know this is hard to accept, but it’s not that he hasn’t called because he’s busy, or because you didn’t smile or talk enough (or did too much). It’s not that he lost your phone number. The bottom line is, if he hasn’t called, he’s not that interested.
- Close the deal – Rules women do not date men for more than two years
If you’ve followed The Rules, your man probably loves you and wants to marry you. Your problem is not if he marries you, but when! If it’s been more than a year, see less of him and think about dating others. You’ve already spent more than a year waiting for him to propose; do you have another year to wait?
- Buyer beware – observe his behaviour so you don’t end up with Mr. Wrong
Love may be blind, but Rules girls are not stupid! How does he act in the relationship? Is he cheap on dates? Is he critical of you? Remember, The Rules are not about marrying the first man you are attracted to who calls you by Wednesday for Saturday night and buys you flowers. It’s about marrying your own personal Mr. Right – a man whom you love and whose character you admire and can live with.
- Keep doing the Rules even when things are slow
Take care of yourself, take a bubble bath and build up your soul with positive slogans like “I am a beautiful woman. I am enough.”
You must learn to accept that, as an adult, you can’t always rely on a friend to do things with you. Even if you don’t meet Mr. Right, going out – whether it’s a restaurant, lecture or party – is a chance to meet new people and practice The Rules.
The rules I’ve been known to operate – wonder why I’m single hey?! Ha!
- Be a drunken idiot like no other (in the room)
Guys don’t like a babbling, incoherent obnoxious girl, don’t consume 70 million glasses of white wine, during, before or after a date. Girl, it ain’t pretty! It took me a while to get a hang of this one. I’d be desirable until the red mist descends over my eyes, cue all good impressions vaporizing faster than anyone caught in the line of my alcohol breath – classy! When the relationship doesn’t work out, you don’t cry into your margarita so that you fathom The Joker from batman – panda eyes and tear tracks in your foundation are never a good look love!2. Crash parties that you weren’t invited to because you know ‘he’ is there
No you won’t look aloof and desirable, you’ll end up looking a drunk/ pathetic/ loser (all of the above) doof and most probably end up getting kicked out!
3. Daydream constantly about the guy you’ve been on one date with imagining how many kids you’re going to have just because he added you on Facebook
Most probably to the detriment of your career, friendships etc as your mind wanders off to some faraway land that you’ve created for yourself, that quite frankly isn’t a reality, or even close for that matter!
4. You’re bored at work, talk to the guy that has been e-mailing you, good sign! Then scare him off as you tell him your life story and you haven’t been on your first date yet (and it isn’t looking likely anymore)
Yup! Less than ideal, guys like the chase and like to get to know you gradually. They don’t want to know how may brothers and sisters you have, what you got in your GCSEs and what your first pet was called within 3 hours of e-mailing you to say hello! Not that I’ve ever done that, ahem!
5. If you’re in long distance relationships – badger him to come and see you so he feels guilty and then resents you
If a guy wants to be with you and see you he will do everything within his power to make it work, trying to convince yourself that you can make it work by pushing him isn’t going to work. Also, ‘surprising him’ by visiting him unannounced also doesn’t go down well, especially when you catch them with someone else!
6. I can’t actually say I’ve had a bad experience with personal ads, or any experience for that matter
Maybe that’s where I’m going wrong J Needy, desperate girl is looking for her white knight to rescue her from loneliness – anyone may respond asap!!!! P.s. I love you!!!! What you recon?!
7. If he doesn’t call, it obviously means he’s lost his phone, you didn’t put your number in right, he’s really busy at work or all of the above!
He was sooo into me, he can’t possibly be not that into me, I refuse to believe it?! Yeah been there done that, got the t-shirt!
8. Hang around waiting for six years for the man you love to even make a step towards moving in with you, then wait eight weeks whilst he decides if he really wants to be with you.
We know how that one pans out! NEXT!
9. It doesn’t matter if he’s Mr Right or Mr Right Now – stick with it god damn it!
You know he’s not your type, you continue to see him, even though you know it’s not right for fear of being alone – yeah that’s the trick! A lifetime of unhappiness…
10. Get too comfortable and let him see you as you truly are, if he loves you he loves you for you, right?!
Sit around in your comfy pants, don’t get your nails done because you can’t be arsed and let him take you for granted! Yeah that’s the way to a guy’s heart…
(Disclaimer if you do operate any potential relationships with this mentality – you will end up alone!!)