GUEST POST** Sex shouldn’t have an ex in it- Yes it is a pun….

So many people, both men and women, tell me about how they hooked up with their ex again and had s3x with them. Am I missing something here, or did you guys not break up because you hated each other and that person ruined your life and you spent a whole month crying over them?….

I actually have a girlfriend who went out with a guy for around two months and then he played head games with her for around another year. I would get around four calls a week, sometimes even four calls a day, when I would council my precious, vulnerable friend. She would be in tears and then after me consoling her for 20 minutes she would finally realise that she had more self worth and she would feel strong enough to not call him again…. For three days….

She actually spent almost two years obsessing over this guy because she thought that maybe there was a hope that eventually they would get back together. Well guess what- if he wanted you back, then you would be laying in his arms right now instead of me telling you that he is a jerk. The reason why so many women hold onto these desperate hopes of getting back together with an ex is because of this famous one line- “right now I don’t think I can be in a relationship, but maybe in the future?”

Girls, girls, girls…. If you hear this line- run for the hills and you may actually trip and fall on a stone in the process and prince charming will catch you in your fall. The exact reason that guys say this line is because what they are really trying to say is “I don’t really like you enough to stay with you, but I also don’t want anyone else to have you so if I say this you will live in false hope and not be able to get over me. In fact we should maybe also have some casual sex between here and there so that I don’t let you get over me also”.

Yes, I have had an ex do it to me and I have also done it to them and all it does is take up months of grief which you could be missing out on actually just concentrating on you- because guess what- you are no longer an ‘us’!!!. In my case, I let myself live in this false hope that I would get back with my boyfriend and live happily ever after for about three months and then I deleted every last bit of him from my life- this included photographs, his number and facebook account. This is the quickest way to get over someone, or as the saying goes “get under someone”- but I’ m personally not a huge fan/believer of this.    

 

So after dishing out all this advice to my friends about why you would never hook back up with an ex, I go and flush all of that down the toilet when it comes to myself. To be fair to myself I have only been naughty on one occasion which was around one month ago. I ended things with this guy about seven months ago after dating him for approximately four months last year and after the breakup we were “friends”- the reason I have friends in inverted comma’s is because I am using the term loosely. So after resisting a few instances in the past seven months when I knew that if I really wanted to I could have hooked back up with this guy he must have caught onto my vulnerability this one night. We were partying away at the Sydney club – Kit and Kaboodle and he would not leave me out of his sight. After about 3.5hrs of his persistence and his final attempt of him really having to convince me by saying “kiss me” our lips once again met.

Here I was transported back in time seven months and we were so comfortable with each other and I have to admit it was a nice feeling. Of course, one thing led to another and I woke up lying on his chest with him kissing my forehead. Oh fu#k!- not an ideal situation at all. So after leaving and thinking I would never want to date him again anyway he started to play on my mind. Ok- ladies we are built in a different emotional capacity to men and this should be reason enough to keep a safe distance from the opposite sex altogether, let alone shaking back up with a guy who used to kiss you on the nose in the morning when you had smelly breath.

After him annoying me because he was rude and ignored me the next week at the club (god, who would have thought!) all the memories came flooding back and I remembered why I had disliked him so much and then again, just like that, he wasn’t my friend or the guy who I hooked up with last weekend anymore but once again the ex. So I handled it really maturely when I ran into him again the week after and just gave him the bird as I walked past him in the club. I know, I know… I’m not in primary school, but honestly giving the bird just really felt good, but of course I looked like a tit. Then to just really put some sprinkles on the top I hooked up with a guy he knew. In the future I don’t think I will summon myself to hooking up with anymore ex’s unless I would like to be told when my nap time is.

You will forget what is wrong with your past lovers if you spray some perfume on them, but once the smell wears off they will still have the same old stench.

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