Casual to commitment: Is it possible?

 I  have been doing quite a bit of research of late into the whole dating game to ensure that I keep the content fresh and relevant – no one wants to read a dull and boring blog do they?

 I’ve been busy in the world of new job mode since last Monday. Great team and lovely people, I’m really excited to get stuck in! As such however my dating life has most definitely taken a hit with wrapping up one job and wanting to make a great impression in the new job.

 Quite surprisingly for me the man in my life for the past two weeks has been the gym (might I just add I’m not bragging here, it is the first time I have set foot in a gym since January – and that was only for week. Before that I can’t even recall!).

 Anyway, the ones that you are interested in, you know the men in my life that I have been updating you about, are well, pretty much, dead in the water. Here’s a quick synopsis for you viewing pleasure! (I notice how a lot of my posts are poking fun at my own misfortune – This, my friends I fear will be case for quite sometime as I try my best to figure out what goes on the other sex’s minds and challenge and tackle the Sydney dating scene head on!). For those of you that are single and live inSydney– you know what I’m talking about…

 Where were we? Oh yeah, update!

 Ten year crush – I went on a boat party with all of my lovely friends, he was also there with his friends. I had a merry time cruising around the harbour and drinking wine. I headed down to the bathroom to sort out my rain drenched hair after a sudden downpour, I asked a girl if I could borrow her comb (as you do). The girl asked me where I was from, I told her. She asked my name and asked if I knew Dean (ten-year-crush) quite surprised I said yes, I was seeing him over Xmas. Only her face changed, she was currently seeing him!! Abort the mission, abort the mission!

 Dean had neglected to tell her that I and he had hooked up, so every time we’d met up, as friends I might add, she thought that we’d been hooking up. Cue tears and cocktails at sunset! Dean was not happy with me, although as far as I’m concerned I did nothing wrong, other than tell the truth! That’s one down! Next:

 Paul (half Maltese, half English) – I text him after receiving missed calls at 4am on a Saturday morning saying that I wasn’t looking to be that with him and if that’s what he’s looking for I’m not the right person! I got a reply saying: “I’m sorry who this is, I lost my phone!” Likely story, how many girls has he got on the go to not know who that would be from! I told him it was me and he called immediately saying that a rendezvous was long over due! Despite my better judgement we locked in a date, I was excited… Until low and behold he bailed at the eleventh hour – despite him apologising profusely and saying he would make it up to me, I have not heard anything since – that was two weeks ago.

They’re dropping like flies, honestly! With regards to The Kiwi Poet, I see him out and about literally EVERYWHERE I go, a snapshot of the places we’ve both been in the past two weeks, completely coincidently:

 Randwick Races

The Sheaf

Beach Road Hotel

The Paddington Inn

 There has just been nice chit-chat since that text, think I can safely say that ship has sailed…

 So all this has got me to thinking, can you start-up a relationship with a causal hook up? If guys see you as that in their eyes, will they ever see you as girlfriend material? Is it best to hold back with the ones that you feel something for to see if it could develop into something else?

 I’ve been single for nearly four years now and I am non-the wiser! With flicks out at the moment like ‘Love and Other Drugs’, ‘No Strings Attached’ and ‘Friends with Benefits’ does it give false hope to single ladies all over the world as they dream that their ‘hook-up’ guy will realise that he’s got something good and doesn’t want to let it go. This I fear doesn’t happen too often as why would they want to stop having their cake and eating it too??

 Whilst I was doing my research I came across the following article on Cosmopolitan.com.au – think it raises a very valid point!

 Convinced your one-night-stand will disintegrate the morning after? Think again…


You may roll your eyes at the plot of the new romcom No Strings Attached where Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman play friends with benefits who start to fall in love. Because, really, how often does that work out? Well, according to a surprising new study of 321 couples, more often than you’d think. Researchers found that 17 per cent of couples now begin as a hook-up. Study author Anthony Paik also explains that these couples reported being just as happy as those who waited longer to get frisky.

Easy does it
Part of the reason hook-ups are more likely to turn into relationships is because the stigma has faded. “It’s become acceptable for women as well as men to have casual sex,” says couples’ therapist Pepper Schwartz, author of Finding Your Perfect Match. With no stigma, those guilt hangovers are fewer and further between. Plus, guys don’t instantly dismiss you as girlfriend material after a hook up (and vice versa). Going into a romantic encounter with zero expectations also helps keep you relaxed, says psychologist Debbie Magids, co-author of All the Good Ones Aren’t Taken. “When you are on a date, you’re more self-conscious about what you say and do,” she explains. “Whereas when you’re hooking up, you don’t care as much about how you come across, so you tend to be yourself.” As a result, your booty call has a chance to see the real you.

The tough part
Unfortunately, maintaining zero expectations gets harder the more often you sleep together, says Schwartz. And since 83 per cent of couples don’t start things off with a bang, the odds are pretty high your late-night rendezvous won’t segue into happily-ever-after. However, if you’re feeling it, and you think he might too, look for clues he wants more, like calling you more than once a week or asking you to brunch the morning after. To turn up the stakes, Schwartz suggests inviting your hook-up to do couple-y things, like go to a concert with you. Then see if he reciprocates with similar invitations. At some point Magid says you need to have a conversation to make sure you are on the same page. “A hook-up can definitely lead to a long-term relationship,” she says, “But you have to be willing to take a risk to clarify where you’re headed first.”

(Source: By Korin Miller http://www.cosmopolitan.com.au/Can_you_go_from_hookup_to_happily_ever_after.htm)

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7 thoughts on “Casual to commitment: Is it possible?

  1. Jo

    In my view the stars aligning and you both feeling the same attraction for each other is equally likely to happen after hooking up on the first night or hooking up after 10 dates. I’ve been with my boyfriend 2 years and we hooked up on the first night and it in no way changed his opinion of me. If it’s right it’s right regardless of the circumstances. It’s impossible to try and play the perfect game in the hopes you’ll land the guy. Just be yourself, be genuine and don’t let your mind get the better of you. Guys are simple and as women we try way too hard to put a formula around finding that great guy.

    Reply
    1. Dating101 Sydney

      I completely agree, when it’s right it is right – I have a few friends that have hooked up with a guy on the first night and it’s turned into something special. The annoying thing is that I always look on the positive side and contact them when I want to and don’t really think too much about the games. I guess it always surprises me as I try to look for the best in people – so when they let me down it hurts more.

      Reply
  2. Chloe

    My boyfriend and I just last year made the move from casual ‘fun buddies’ to being in a relationship and until that happened I wasn’t a believer. We started hooking up because there was some attraction on both of our parts and I guess partly because we were both bored and looking to have a little fun. But we agreed that it was going to be completely casual and that we weren’t exclusive. This epicly failed after a few weeks when we realised that neither of us wanted to see the other person with someone else. Yet we never told each other this for fear of ruining the casual fun that we were having. It was only when I blurted out that I thought I was falling for him and didn’t want to do this any more that he told me he was too and we’ve been together ever since. So it is possible!

    Reply
    1. Dating101 Sydney

      Thanks so much for your comment Chloe! I have a friend who this also happened with, I believe it can happen! Maybe it’s the kind of guys that I hook up with and the places that I meet them! I’m guessing bumping into a guy in The Sheaf or The Cross on the pull isn’t the making of a long term relationship! From my experience friends of friends have had the longevity! Of course, this isn’t a set rule, just my finding in my 26 years to date 🙂

      Reply
      1. Sally

        Would this Friend be me???? 😉 Yet another great blog huni.. I only wish we had the answer to this lil gem x

  3. Pat Riarchy

    “This I fear doesn’t happen too often as why would they want to stop having their cake and eating it too??” That’s right. It’s not like the female enjoys sex. She only does it for the attached strings. A man should always have to pay for pussy.

    Reply

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